Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Random Mad-Doms. Random Happy-Doms


Ha. Mad-Doms are things that make me irritated. And of course, Happy-Doms make me happy. Here are a few:

1. (This applies to no one who posts here normally.) If you are a Trump supporter and you jump on my personal Facebook page with a video or story that appears to be in response to something i posted you will not have the last word with me.

Explanation: This hasn't happened too often but my husband has a cousin who passively aggressively jumps on my Facebook page about some stuff i post. He is a born-again Christian and likes to take issue with me, as he did recently when i posted the funny GIF about the Poland First Lady passing by Trump's extended hand and instead shook Melanie's hand.

2. Three reasons i liked that handshake GIF a lot: The first being that she appears to snub Trump. The second is  that i like to think maybe she really didn't (Trump's hands are so tiny, maybe she didn't  see his little tiny hand!). And number three: If she later was mortified that she broke some protocol only to find out that so many of us made her some kind of hero and made a joke of it, because the GIF is hilarious...well then maybe that takes the sting out of her error.

3. So i turned 60 and my hands turned 85. Seriously after this blog i am going to take a photo of my hands to prove it. I understand why Diane Keaton always wears gloves! My doctor told me she could tell by looking at them they are getting arthritis. My knuckles are swollen and i can no longer get my wedding ring off though i have not gained weight.
My wedding ring is actually a man's ring that i had sized for my own because i don't like big diamonds. But those hands look 25 years older than i am and they feel it too.


4. It kind of creeps me out (in a claustrophobic way) that i can't get my ring off right now. I don't like feeling trapped our bound. I hope if i ever die it's not by being buried under rubble.

5. Ok, time for Happy-Doms! I've talked about my favorite nephew's (Brian) son Brady - the one i babysit with the Cheeto colored hair. Brady's sister turned 1 on July 7 and has THE EXACT SAME hair as Brady. (In secret i call them the Cheetos. As in "I'm babysitting the Cheetos today." But i don't say that to Brian or his wife Adrienne cause i'm not sure they would think it's as funny as i do.) I didn't know if i could love a kid as much as i did with Brady but Lauren is fabulously happy and so fun to babysit and i see now how you can be a parent and love your kids equally.  Because her initials are LOL, we call her Lolo.

6. Happy-Dom: When i rock Lolo to sleep i like to sing her the song by the Kinks "Lola". I change it to LoLo. And yes, it's about a transvestite, but she doesn't know that.

Ok, her hair is covered but i love this photo of her. Her dad is pulling her in a wagon.

6. Another Happy-Dom. I am remodeling my kitchen with custom built cabinets, quartz counters and subway tile wall backsplash and new electric can lights. Last time i did this i hired a contractor but my kitchen is so small and i'm retired so i'm organizing it. I love all four of the guys i hired. And their communication so far has been excellent. I don't even mind having to do all the weird little stuff buy all the lights, knobs, and i get to use their accounts where applicable. So yeah, lots of running around and what feels like100s of hours of Pinterest and Houzz research but i have to admit, i like having the project.

7. I can't spend all my retired time reading! Well, actually i can. But i'm not sure it's a good thing. And i'm behind on my one day a week goal that's i've met for awhile now. Just as i've been on this blog.

8. Happy-Dom: Great books i've read this year - Some of them heartbreaking like "Just Mercy"by Bryan Stevenson about the lack thereof of mercy for many minorities in the south. "Lillian Boxfish Takes a Walk"; "Option B" - if you are dealing with grief, this book might really help. It helped my friend Rita who lost her daughter to breast cancer. And "Eleanor Oliphant"....

9. Happy-Dom: What i love most about retirement. My mornings. About half of the time i get up Brian is still home reading yesterday's newspaper before getting ready for work. I make coffee;  turn on all the lighting that i like and sit down to the newspaper (once it finally arrives from our disabled carrier) and after that i look online on my iPad, or read part of my book or watch ER reruns i've DVRd. Later I do some cleaning, laundry, researching stuff, or calling Sarah, anything to procrastinate going for a run. I go for a run about four days a week, sometimes five. (Edited to add : I don't know why i wrote 'five', i haven't run five since i quite training for that race.  And right now my other knee is also starting to bother me worrying me about how much longer i can do this.)

Sometimes I meet friends (Sarah and Drew and Marie) for a walk or lunch. I pop over at the pool if i see the screaming meanies aren't there or if some of my condo friends ARE, i babysit a few times a month. And in between all that other time .....i read books. And Facebook. And look up stuff online i want to know. (Right now my remodel is taking a lot of that time.)

10. Somewhere there was a survey... on Facebook i think...Probably...Most likely...Because i don't usually take surveys or tests anywhere but on Facebook... Anyway, on the survey the question was : "If you could have one superpower, what would it be?" ....For me that answer is so simple!  It would be "To remember absolutely everything i have ever read." I honestly don't get why some folks might want super strength or to fly or be invisible. I want instant recall.

Ok, on that note, i'm going to sign off and go scan a couple of photos not on Facebook and talk about those.

I am so proud of my nephew Brian! I always had hope for Brian since he was teenager when so many of us thought he was such a slacker.  Even though he lived a few miles from us I actually wrote him a couple of letters when he was a teen once after he got fired from a job.

I believed in him because even when he was only about 11 years old  he was always a kid who asked so many questions and seemed to care so much about what was going on in the world. Then his younger brother Josh committed suicide in 2009, in a way that nobody saw it coming. And i worried that he wouldn't make it either. But he did. It's probably a testament to his dad, my brother Troy, who has also amazed me in how he has recovered. They are both very close.

I am close to him too. I don't think of him as just my nephew - he is also like a close friend. Brian calls me often on his breaks between Comcast appointments and we love to talk about politics, football, books, movies, tv shows (he's the one that tells me about the best TV shows), stuff in the news, what happened on Bill Maher, etc. .. I learn a lot from him. I also get a lot of my political news from him because i quit watching much of it.

He is now 35. He married the right woman, (his long time girlfriend, who is a nurse who works graveyard shifts) so he has become a super-hands-on father of a boy and a girl. They bought a nice house in a nice neighborhood. And he has become very committed to the extended family. Many of our conversations are about Elodie!

 He's also a really good writer. I wish he wrote more. We used to talk about collaborating on a book of chapters about our family. Maybe we will someday. Anyway, his  35th birthday was July 14th this week... so that is a Happy-Dom. I am so happy he and my brother Troy are doing so well.
They do love their plaid. It's the Louvrak favorite family color!
Lolo is wearing Brady's old hat.


Thursday, June 15, 2017

I lost a friend today


Ramona as a child -the oldest one in the middle

1. Today a friend of mine, Ramona,  died of ovarian cancer. She wasn't a super close friend, though i've known her for over 30 years from our school district work. Her mom Hildegard lived in my condo community and was a good friend of our good friend Dorothy who died ten years ago so our paths kept crossing occasionally. (I always got a kick out of Hildegard.) 

When Hildegard died over a year and a half ago that's when Ramona and i started getting together. And a few months after, she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She sent me a message and said she hoped i would be a part of her support team, but added that she understood if i was uncomfortable with that. That's the part that got me -  that Ramona knew it was not something people might be able to do. And truthfully i wasn't sure i was up to it, but i felt i might be ...because of my mom. So i wrote her back and said let's hook up. 

2. My 82 year mom Elodie is a survivor of ovarian cancer- She was diagnosed with stage 4 when she was 65 years old. I went to the doctor's appointment with her that day because Elodie doesn't listen well and doesn't ask questions. 

There were two doctors in the room at Madigan who told Elodie she had stage four. My dad i'm pretty sure did not know what that meant. But I did because i had researched before the appointment. And when my mom hugged the two doctors and seemed excited i was certain she didn't know either. It wasn't until later that i understood that she thought there were TEN stages. We never told her that stage 4 was the worst... (especially for ovarian cancer). And 17 years later my mom is still alive and i think it's in part because she had such a great attitude and didn't know. 

Ramona wasn't uniformed about her diagnosis of course, but she did have that same kind of positive attitude and i thought it would get her through too- maybe not like my mom, (because Elodie is indestructible, like a cockroach, and will outlive us all),  but i thought Ramona had lots more time. 

3. I was not expecting to be so sad today when i heard this news. She was not my very best friend. She's not my longest friend. And we didn't do a lot together until the last year and a half. 

But i realized what it was that i am missing already.... and it's selfish i have to admit.  I didn't do THAT much for her but she made me feel like i did a lot. I am not that funny, but she let me know that she thought i was, especially on Facebook. In other words, she made me feel like i was a better person than i feel i am. Only a few people make me feel that way, which i deserve - considering my personality. 

4. What i really came to like about her is that she was so positive about so much. AND i loved that she was in no way passive aggressive, or pouty, or seething.... if something bothered her, she said told you. Ramona was very straightforward. A long time ago i made an offhand remark - some jokey thing about her flirting with guys (this was before she was married to her husband Paul) - and she called me on the phone later that day and told me that she didn't appreciate it. And i thanked her because she was right. And we were okay all the times i saw her next. Ramona was pretty fucking low maintenance, even when she shouldn't have been. 

5. Here's something about her teaching: About 15 years ago she had a little girl in her classroom who just happened to live in my condo community. I knew the little girl and her older brother well as they were always at the pool during the summer. Nice kids. And they had a VERY nice dad who was devoted to those kids but who later was sent to jail for something i don't know. And you could see it in the kids that they were troubled and missed their dad. When Ramona noticed that the girl started coming to school wearing her older brother's clothes she called me and Dorothy since we knew them. She was raising money to take the girl shopping to get clothes. Recently Ramona and I talked about that and she told me the student never wore the clothes that were purchased from the fundraising and we both laughed that she may have gotten it wrong because she realized the girl liked wearing her brother's clothes. 

She retired from teaching elementary school a few years ago. I was thinking today how she made me feel better about who i am and how as a teacher how wonderfully that must have translated to her students, the ones who really count. 

Rest in Peace, Ramona. I'm grateful that I did get the chance to know you better beyond just Facebook and the school district and the union. I really thought we had at least a few more games of Scrabble at Bur's and many more cups of coffee at Starbucks. It's weird because I keep waiting for you to 'like' a post on Facebook or to send a text. I hope that somehow you are able to read all of the Facebook posts about how much you will be missed. I will miss you too. 

Saturday, May 27, 2017

She Died Doing Something She Hated..... (explained in # 3)

Let's just start the list.

 I couldn't run one more step once i crossed that finish line. They caught me smiling but only because I am looking at Brian.

1. I turned 60 earlier this month. In January I decided to train for another half marathon AND I set a dream goal to place first in my age division. The race was last Sunday.

I gave it my all - to the point that i started to feel sick at mile 9 hill, so i slowed down.  It was a warm day, it was a hilly course, (which i  had totally forgotten from the time i ran it four years before). Crossing the finish line i still felt a bit ill, but at least not in danger of throwing up.

It was disappointing not to break two hours because i had been on track to do that before that 9 mile hill.  (My time was 2:03, five minutes slower 2013; average mile split time= 9:26).  When got home i received an email that evening congratulating me - my time was good enough to place first! AND when considering the younger division ahead of mine  - 85 runners both divisions, i placed 3rd. (Overall, including men, out of 1000+ runners, i was in the top third crossing the finish line, not too shabby for someone 60 years old. )

Running for me is mental as well as physical.  I kept a spreadsheet and compared it to my past training spreadsheets (no surprise for those who know me.) It's about time, not miles- i never have an idea of how fast i am running. I just record minutes.  This year i made sure i logged in more training time than i did four years ago because i knew i would need that mental advantage.

I cannot pretend to not be proud of what i accomplished.  I'm basically a lazy person (except for how cleaning and organizing stuff in my home) and I'm really not much of an overachiever or a competitor. Turning 60 this year was my motivation.

2. So i'm 60. And now i can retired from racing. I will NEVER run another one again. I have nothing more to prove to myself. It was too f*cking boring training that last couple of months during the long runs.

3. Here's the thing. I don't love running. I am not just saying that. Each morning i get up, put on my running clothes and then procrastinate for about three or four or five hours before i get out there. I've even been known to start dusting the whole house, under the beds, on top of the refrigerator and door jams - that kind of dusting, just to put it off.

I told Brian if i ever drop dead on a run ( like the famous Jim Fixx runner who wrote books) he should put in my obituary" "She died doing something she hated."

4. I do hope to be able to run just or exercise at least a couple of more years. I also am going to start yoga again, because it does make me feel better in the morning, even if it does stress me out with the folks who show up late and make noise at the Y. I might get some good blogging stories from yoga.

5 . Enough of running. Talking about running is as boring to people who don't run as it it would be to me if a Born Again Christian wanted to talk to me about Jesus.(Not that i don't love Jesus, i just don't like talking about Him as if He was my best friend.)  Truthfully, Jesus could very well be a best friend, considering that He can change water into wine. (Jesus are you reading my blog? )

6. Today Gregg Allman died. Chris Cornell last week. All so young. Makes me glad i am not so talented or married to someone who is super talented (though he is pretty talented). Too many demons, too short a life.

7. Today was about 84 degees outside. After THE WORST winter and spring on record. Not my opinion, it's a fact. Rained more these past seasons than 1895 or something like that. This week is the first time they have forecasted more than 5 days of sunshine with no rain since last September.

8. I love the sun, but i can't deny that i also love the rain. When you like to read a lot and binge watch Netflix and On Demand DVRs of ER (remember that show?)... you need a little rain and cloudy days so you don't feel guilty. (Last time i checked my DVR of ER there were 49 episodes saved! hahahahaha... See what i mean by lazy?)

9. The Best Thing that Happened: As mentioned, it was my birthday recently. My husband and i kind of go all out on each other's birthdays and Christmas, i think because we don't have kids.We have LOTS of gifts for each other, but some are funny, like for example - he knows i love Haribo gummie bears and so he always buys them and wraps them up. But the best thing he gave me this year is not a present at all. It's what he said.

We don't celebrate our anniversary with presents or cards or going out to dinner. I got this idea from the Yaya board years ago (I wish i knew whose idea it was.) I bought us each a very nice journal. Each year we write in it about our year, around our anniversary and capture what happened in the writing. We don't always exchange the journals and in fact haven't read them in i think two or three years, but we keep writing in them. What i like about this is that one day one of us will be dead and the other will have these journals to read for comfort. AND it also is a timeline and diary of what happened because we don't write flowery, poetic goofy shit, a lot of it is what we did in the way of remodeling - sometimes as silly as talking about bowling or watching American Idol, Brian's bands, etc.

This year he wrapped up the journal and said to me, "you don't have to read it yet but i wrote in there 60 things about you that i really like because you turned 60". And then he added this...and this WAS the present..... He said: "It was so easy to write 60 things."

I need to leave on that note. Baybee....I know you don't read this blog anymore but maybe if i die before you and you are reading this years from now, just know that THAT was the best gift ever. That you thought it was easy. Because i don't think many people, even my immediate family and friends think that.

More race photos:

Made it! 
First hill, around mile 2. Still with it. 


Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Testing 1-2-3. I am going to start blogging again.

Even if no one is here, and why would they be since i have not been here since Dec. 3, 2016. But i think i want to start blogging more and doing Facebook less. I've been using FB as a blog anyway but i don't want some of the other stuff of FB so maybe if i blog i will check FB maybe less. I'll be back.

Saturday, December 3, 2016

Just the Regular Random Stuff. Probably Draft #135.....

Like books, i start many blogs and then just end up quitting them. I should go back and count the drafts in my blogger history. Maybe even try and resurrect one. As usual i have no idea what i am going to write, but here is the mood. I am listening to Joan Baez Pandora and for some inexplicable reason, the Beach Boys showed up playing "Good Vibrations". I am drinking a really really good Italian wine i bought from Trader Joe's and the Christmas lights are making everything cozy, especially my cheesy Smart TV YouTube 4K HD streaming fireplace that sounds like such a real fireplace i keep having this expectant feeling that i need to stoke the fire!

Anyway, here we go.

1. I have never liked the Beach Boys. (I did like the movie about Brian Wilson though). I saw them in concert once because my ex wanted to go. And i thought Mike Love was a douchebag.  Rolling Stone recently had an article that affirmed that.

2. James Taylor just came on and that's more like it for Joan Baez but sometimes i don't like his voice. It's too whiney. I really don't care for his Christmas album that i bought a few years back.

3. My favorite Christmas song is The River by Joni Mitchell, which is not really a Christmas song.

4. I also like O come O come Emmanuel.

5. it is supposed to snow here Monday, but i will believe it when i see it. I am like an 8 year old hoping for a snow day when there is a forecast of snow! To me there is nothing more exciting with our weather than snow! I even get up in the middle of the night to see if it started. I do it every single time there is a threat of snow in the weather forecast.

6. Course i don't have to drive in it. and i never really did since i lived only two miles from home.

7. Jack Johnson is on now. I don't know what it is about that guy, but he doesn't move me with his music. And it's not bad, but i always feel like i want to fast forward. I( feel the same way about Dave Matthews.)

8. It took me over 5 hours to decorate my tree. My niece Kylee (who used to be a fabulous contributor to this blog) for years used to help me (since the age of 10, she is 25 or 26 now).  We  used to watch a movie afterwards. I made her watch Love Story with me once. when she was 15 cause it was MY favorite movie at that age.  We also watched Audrey Hepburn movies (because she loved them) and i think the last time we did this the movie was Annie Hall. We have not done this for two years now, because she lives further away and is married and busy working.  And now I understand how parents must feel when their kids grow up and move apart from the family. I miss this tradition with her. (Maybe Brady when he is older will want to help me. Or Lauren.)

9. For ummagumma, wherever she may be.

9. Something i hate: People who end comments or emails with "just sayin'". it is such a f*cking passive aggressive statement, as if they are being helpful. I also can't stand the dismissive "Whatever". And most times "just kidding" at the end of a sentence means just the opposite.

10. Dammit, just because i said that about Jack Johnson in #7 another stupid song of his comes on. I am playing Joan Baez radio and think i have only heard two songs by her in the last two hours.

11. Oh dear, i have a feeling that this is going to be Draft #136 because The Wedding Song just came on and this reminds me of my first wedding in 1978. I also had that horrible Debbie Boone song You Light Up My Life too. (Such a big hit that year. Such a sucky song. Such a lie.)

12. Obviously I have to change this Pandora channel,  but i'm waiting until i need to refill my wine glass.

13. Who is still reading here? pearl didn't stop by last post even with my shout out. amulbunny i always like seeing you here and thank you. My BFF louielouie quit coming. Equeyaya too. Bethany hasn't changed her own blog since June. And Amanda is pretty busy with her fabulous little boy. I really do sometimes wish Facebook was never invented.

14. The #1 reason i wish FB wasn't invented is all the sharing of the fucking fake news during this election. What an avenue for that shit! Facebook: The Highway to Sharing Shit Because Facts No Longer Matter. I really do kind of want to quit Facebook just over this. It was not hard for me to be gone. But i miss people on there. And since folks no longer email and call or blog anymore there is no way to keep in touch with folks i want to keep in touch with without it. So i just wish it went dark (like Gumbo YaYa, a message board i posted on for 10 years about the Rebecca Wells books) then we would have to find a different way to connect. Maybe blogging again!


I am just gonna hit Publish and be done with it! Besides i have to go stoke the fire.

Oh yeah, that's right. It's fake.





Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Draft #3... My Self Imposed Facebook Exile; Giving Thanks; etc.

Photo of bumper sticker that i have on my refrigerator 
I have started three drafts now in as many days and decided i cannot do this without a glass of wine. I have a harder time thinking about what to write with coffee than i do wine.

This draft might make it. Let me put some music on too.......Ok, that's better i'm streaming David Grohl's You Tube acoustic playing. Right now it's Learning to Fly. (David Grohl has to be the coolest guy on the planet. Seriously, can you think of a cooler guy?)

Let me just go ahead and number this and let her rip:

1. It has been two weeks today since The Last Election Before the Apocalypse. I deactivated my Facebook account over a week ago with the idea i would return after a week, but i am actually not missing it too much just yet. I may wait another week.

2. Because i have friended lots of union folks from my old job and many educators,  therefore my newsfeed pretty much exploded with the election. It's nice to have like-minded friends but they kept feeding Facebook with stories that were getting me all upset again (when he started picking his team)....JUST as i was calming down. (The shared stories were also getting redundant.) So i figured a break would be a good thing. But i'll be back. I miss too many people who don't email or blog anymore. (Plus I don't forget that FB has served me well by giving me a home base where my friends are able to educate me about many things, such as my trip to Italy.)

3. But yeah, i do sort of want to blame FB for paving the way for the fake news shit that was bandied about. People are getting worse and worse about not caring about facts and don't read beyond the headline. We have become a culture of getting our news from memes and tweets.  (pearl if you are reading i loved that article you put up that made that point ... it had a headline (paraphrasing) Bernie Sanders Can Be President Through a Little Known Loophole.

What's been making me feel a little better these days? I am wearing my Obama t-shirts since i can't wear my Hillary one that i just bought, (though i still have her bumper sticker on my front door).

4. One meme i did like was the one that said (and again I am paraphrasing) ...  "Forget about putting the Christ back in Christmas. Let's put Christ back in CHRISTIAN! "  A lot of folks who call themselves Christian supported Trump for reasons other than just normally voting a Republican ticket - i am talking about he ones that came out of their scurvy hidey hole to vote because they ARE racist. Jesus would NEVER EVER have voted for Trump. (Not saying he would vote for Hillary either, but i know He wouldn't vote for Trump and i'm not all that Christian but that is a faith i do have.)

What i can't wrap my head around is that more white WOMEN voted for Trump than Hillary. What the fucking fuck? 

5. The BEST meme about the election, in my opinion is,  (again I am paraphrasing since i can't check on FB to see).... "Not all Trump supporters are racist and misogynists, but what you are saying when you vote for him is that it's not a deal breaker."

6. This got me thinking about deal breakers if i were dating again. (This could be a whole blog separate blog post!) I am going to say my deal breakers are:

  • doing drugs (not including pot, but they can't smoke it often if they do)
  • smoking
  • being right wing or voting for Trump
  • being a born again Christian type who is always preaching about Jesus 
  • not having a source of income or a retirement future
  • not appreciating good music or books

7. Thankfully my husband fits this ticket!

My nephew took this photo of Brady last week. I love it so much! I had to Photoshop out my niece Kendall  because her face was hidden. But it makes a better photo. with just Brady. 

8. Now for my Thanksgiving Stuff:  


I've said it before: I am thankful for all of my nieces and nephews in my life and THEIR kids who have made it so easy for me to be childless and not regretful of my choice. (Brady's 4 month old sister Lauren is such a happy laughing baby like Brady was, she's cute with red hair too but when she gets a wee bit cuter i will put up a photo. ) I thought it would be so difficult babysitting two at a time, but so far the last three times have been great! 

9. I am thankful that we live in a country where we can protest the outcome of an election. I just wish those fucking anarchists would go back to their hovel. No one who didn't vote should be allowed to protest. I would make that rule ... hahaha.

10. I am thankful that we live in the Pacific Northwest! Where the weather is fairly mild and my politics match. I even like the rain. It goes along with my homebody personality.

11. I am thankful that we get to rent our friend Rita Cressman's new place on Vashon for four days starting Christmas day. It has a full 180 degree view of the Puget Sound, Mt. Rainier and the ferry going back and forth 12 times a day. What a great way to top off the holiday! 

12. I am thankful once again for a year where everyone i love and care about, family and friends, are alive and doing well, with the exception of Brian's mom who i am worried about. We just moved her in assisted living and right now she is in a nursing home in rehab because she fell only after being there for three days. It's been hard on the family watching her go downhill. She's a sweet amazing lady and i will miss her more than my own mom when she is not around. 

I could go on, but i gotta go pack for our trip over the mountain pass to Brian's sister's house for Thanksgiving tomorrow morning. It's a five hour drive which i ALWAYS hate. I might bring my leftover Xanax! hahaha. 

13. I am thankful for Xanax!  I wish it was a vitamin! I only take it when i'm traveling on an airplane. It almost makes me want to take MORE trips!...just for the Xanax Experience.

Happy Thanksgiving all!  Thanks for reading. 



Saturday, November 12, 2016

The Walking Numb & No GPS Coordinate for the High Road

It is still hard for me to believe that our country elected Donald Trump. How did we elect a candidate that the KKK endorsed? And you don't need me to list all the rest of the deplorable things he has done because we know them too well and are not likely to forget even if you are reading this blog 4 years from now. (OH! I do like that word 'deplorable').

I have read many articles linked on Facebook that try to give reasons for this and i do believe there is blame to go around everywhere, including with the Democrats. But most of all is the astonishing fact that so many people did not vote.

I am not subscribing to the 'love trumps hate' and l'et's all try to get along and be nice'. Now we are asked to support our President (SHIT, their side in the Senate and House never tried to do that why are we supposed to?) He's bringing in some horrible people, starting with those sons of his who look like serial killers who be starring in American Psycho instead of Christian Bale. Nice doesn't ever seem to get us anywhere. Trump tapped into the anger in this country, and to a different degree, so did Bernie Sanders. Hillary was always so careful and measured. But as a woman she wouldn't be able to get away with it in the same way. Look what happens when Elizabeth Warren gets fierce. I feel like we need to get tougher.  Fierce. Feisty. Taking no shit. Standing up for what is right and not trying to have it all ways to seemingly please everyone. I did not support Bernie Sanders as the nominee though i did like him. (I had trouble with his pie in the sky ideas, especially about free college tuition for all.) But i had wished Bernie Sanders was chosen as her running mate instead of Tim Kaine.

I do sort of get why people get pissed off at liberals and the elite label that comes with being liberal. Too often we are so busy trying to be the smartest person in the room. Correcting people, going off on extreme environmental issues, making fun of Walmart and its shoppers, etc. etc. I am guilty too. (Though i have NEVER been the smartest person in the room unless I am babysitting.)

Political correctness does go too far. I think i wrote here somewhere about the Pacific Lutheran University billboards "Words Can Hurt". from a few years ago  I liked them at first: 'ghetto', 'homo', 'illegal'. But then came 'exotic' and 'what are you?' and that gave me pause. Maybe i need to ask my niece Jessica who is part black and how this makes her feel.  Is it really so bad to want to know the heritage of someone you know or just met? Jessica could pass for Native American and Hispanic. And she does look 'exotic'. (Which i always thought was a nice word. ) People get jumped on often for the slightest words, when they mean no malice. And then what was okay before is no longer okay today.  So yeah, maybe the folks who can't stand this about we liberals are fed up and want us to shut up. And they shut us up didn't they? By voting.

I also believe Van Jones was correct about the 'white-lash'....that the vote for Trump is a backlash for Black Lives Matter movement and the misunderstanding of what that was. And of course, it's about the Supreme Court.

And certainly that FBI fucker didn't help. And Hillary made the mistake Kerry did when he was Swiftboated. She should have come out swinging. While i admire her ability to keep it together there is a part of me that wanted to see a glimpse of the real Hillary behind the scenes.

Facebook hurt too. Folks are so quick to vote by headlines and memes and believe the outright lies that are a part of them. (I think it was Bill Maher that said Americans will spend more time researching on Yelp on where to find the perfect taco than they do voting their ballot. )

I am sad. I am as sad as anyone. But i have to say this too: I am tired already of the handwringing, obsession and crying (sobbing even!) about the outcome. Right now i don't even want to read more horrible news about what Trump is going to do or not do. (I don't need one more reason to be afraid or sad! )

I was very lazy with this election, (the laziest since before Al Gore). But we live in a blue state and i our state did indeed vote that way without my help as i expected they would. And i am so burned out on local politics because it was a huge part of my job and when i retired i wanted to be retired from some of that stuff i used to have to do.

But there are many folks who spend hours and hours who have been pissed off all year long, posting about how horrible Trump is. And many live in states that are not blue, where maybe they could have made a difference if they got off their ass off Facebook and showed up to Hillary headquarters. I don't know what to do except right now write a check to NARAL and Planned Parenthood, which i did this morning.

I have no answers or ideas on how to bridge the divide between us. I am afraid of what a Trump presidency is going to do because Making America Great Again is a scary mission statement. Keeping America Great i can subscribe to. But that word 'Again" i fear is about taking us back in time where it sucked for so many, except for white men. In the past years we have made such great strides in being more inclusive of more Americans who were so discriminated against. What happens now?