Thursday, January 6, 2011
If Jesus was a blogger...updated to add: What would Justin Bieber Blog?
I got to thinking while running the other day. What would Jesus say if He was a blogger? I know this image is a God- like one, but it was the best i can do.
Anyway, here is what i think Jesus would say:
1. My Mom Mary is a really sweet woman. But i really would never want to party with my mom.
2. And here is why: MY very best talent is turning water into wine. But my Mamma always has to bitch to me: "Baby" she says, "I think that is enough water turning for now."....JUST when the party is getting started.
3. (I hate it so much when she calls me 'Baby'.) And yeah i know, it's hard to imagine Mary being a bitch.
4. What REALLY bugs me most is she and my 'Semi-Dad-Joseph' are always asking me who is my girlfriend.
5. The reason it bugs me is i think they are worried that i might be gay.
6. And so what if i am? I think they knew before I did that Judas was a Bad Boy and you know how everyone, gay or hetero, goes for the Bad Boy/Girl. I think they were afraid i had a crush on Judas.
7. And the truth is i sort of did. However, I was on to Judas from the start, attractive as he might be he still creeped me out a little, sort of like that one Baldwin brother living in your world. (I think his name is Stephen.)
8. I know what you are thinking. How could i even say 'i think his name is Stephen'? Shouldn't Jesus be ALL KNOWING?
9. The truth is that's my Dad, not me.
8. And back to Judas for a moment: it doesn't matter to me how hot I may have thought Judas was. I still have a good work ethic. And I knew what I was supposed to do.
9. And though i may have forgiven Judas. And i know i should forgive EVERYONE....at the same time I wouldn't mind kicking some Pontius Pilate ass.
10. Here's another thing. I am NOT the narcisisst that some folks need to make me out to be. You don't have to capitalize the "H" when you say 'he' or 'him'.
11. But most of all, i don't give a fuck if you say "Happy Holidays" or "Merry Christmas" or whatever. Don't blame me for that mess.
12. If it were my choice i would choose "Hey Ya" as the appropriate greeting. leave ME out of it.
13. OOps, i didn't really mean to capitalize the "m" in "me" above. It just happened.