Friday, July 11, 2014

Dear Abby Gives Good Advice....again.

Sigh. I have been waiting for years to take over Dear Abby's job. I love giving advice to people even when they don't want it, imagine how fun it would be to dole it out to people asking for it?

What could be a better job for me, right?

But in the past year, Abby has stepped up her game. And after reading this morning's paper i wish i could call her up and have her over for wine.

Dear Abby letters

On July 11, 2014 the headline is "Child Still Resents Parents Who Skipped Graduation".
This 26 year old woman is "angry and frustrated" even though years and years have passed since they "disappointed" her. The reader writes: "But I guess I haven't ever truly forgiven them for missing those events."

The parents did not attend her elementary graduation because her Mom's father had just died. They didn't attend her junior high graduation because her mom had stitches in her nose from being hit by a golf club accidentally. And years later they didn't attend the younger siblings graduations either.

Abby writes back:

"When I was young there were high school and college graduation ceremonies with cap, gown and diploma, but none for children leaving elementary or junior high. At most, the event might be celebrated by going out for a family dinner.

Frankly, I think that the multiple graduation ceremonies, while they may make cute photo-ops - dilute the importance of the one from high school. If you want to "do something", rather than vent your anger at your parents, it would be more constructive if you made a point of attending your siblings' graduations in the future. "


jojo cucina cucina said...

Maybe because i don't have kids i feel this way, but i do think the cap and gown ceremonies are crazy for kindergartens. As if kids need yet another photo op anyway. By the time a kid reaches 18 they probably have had their picture taken at least a million times.

I have to say that i have attended my nieces elementary and junior high graduations and did not like going. But i didn't want to be conspicuously absent either since i am close to them.

amulbunny's random thoughts said...

My parents never attended my parades, football games, senior recognition ever. They did go to graduation. But the year after I graduated my stepdad made a big deal of going to the Armed Forces Day Parade which I had marched in for 4 years. It was just spite.
We didn't have graduations for 6th or 8th grades. My kids had promotions which we attended. It was a big deal to them and an accomplishment, especially since the younger one in 8th grade won a prestigious award.

pearl said...

We took a pass on the grands' "Graduations" this year for the same reason - 5th and 8th grades, fergawdsake!! They're over it. Going to any of the BFEs is an ordeal for me as wife #1 is such a b*tch. Acts like Joan Crawford playing a wronged wife - note: she split years before I ever met him! Arrgh.

I'd be less circumspect than Abby on this one. Grudges have handles, to make them easier to hold, but they also have poisonous stickers. Holding a grudge always hurts the holder a helluva lot worse than it hurts the grudgee. Guaranteed. Get. Over. It.

Of course, my advice is not always welcome... :-\

Welcome back - I check your blog routinely for updates. Missed you.

jojo cucina cucina said...

Good to see you amulbunny and pearl!

jojo cucina cucina said...

dammit, iPad, i wasn't finished..... i think parents should attend games or recognition ceremonies for their children (though like yours, a-bunny, mine never did either. I don't get the big to-do over kindergarten especially.

i was a party last night with educators and we were in a conversation about first year teachers and how many of them come into the job thinking they know everything and are entitled to only praise. And it reminded me of a first year teacher last year who got a few 'needs improvement' on her evaluation and was incensed about it. She wasn't being fired, she was given feedback on what she, as a first year teacher, needed to work on.

She wrote a FOUR page rebuttal to her evaluation about why the principal was not fair. She wouldn't listen to me, the building rep or the union president on why that was a terrible idea. I tried to get her to change it to only one paragraph because a four page letter was a red flag that would stay in her personnel file.

She would not take advice. I feel like she was a child who has only been told by her parents that everything she did was meant to be celebrated. When you are new in a job and refuse advice from many veterans it's arrogant, narcissistic, and just plain stupid.

It's another reason i liked volunteering when i did in the poorest schools.

pearl said...

Absolutely, Jo. Life doesn't hand out participation trophies. And no one is perfect in their job - even after years, there are things that can be improved upon. That's why I still take classes that I should probably be teaching...I always learn something that makes me better.

When someone lashes back like the lady you described, it's usually because you've hit the target - and it's a raw nerve for them.

jojo cucina cucina said...

yeah...the participation trophies make me crazy too. It sends a message the wrong message, as if failure is the worst thing in the world when it actually is great character building and teaches a lesson. I used to tell teachers who called complaining about their evaluation that i would hate to be my own evaluator because i would be so hard on myself and that the correct rebuttal is a verbal one thanking the principal and asking them for more advice on how to make that better. It never got anywhere though. I believe the Baby Boomers haven't made the best parents because of the over coddling and they raised a generation who is passing it on. I know it's not the majority, it's just what i notice, since i tend to notice more what irritates me than what gives me pleasure sometimes. (I'm working on that in my retirement.)

louielouie said...

Abby's been pretty good lately. Jo, are you sure you haven't been ghost writing?

My only complaint about yesterday's was for not chiding the mom for waiting until her daughter was 13 to have "the Talk" Most schools have started providing information by 4th grade - a perfect time to continue the conversation at home.

Off to the DMV today for a new driver's license. Hate to give up my old one; I think the photo is 10 years old and I'm looking pretty good. Suppose I should comb my hair and go for a little makeup before I head in.

Am finally tackling my office boxes today. My solution may be to just shove them in a corner of the den, but at least I won't have to look at them anymore.

I think I finally took care of all my retirement paperwork and decisions that needed to be made by the end of the month.

My plan is to do no thinking in August (or maybe even September) and then begin to consider what might be next.

louielouie said...


had some great graduation comments the other day but lost them. I am not a big fan of graduations or celebrations in general (bah-hum-bug), but try to remember they are important for some folks and attend the major ones (which does not including moving from kindergarten to first grade or fifth to sixth) that matter most to them.

jojo cucina cucina said...

Oh Lordy. It's time to change the blog already. The week goes by too fast.

jojo cucina cucina said...

I saw those boxes tonight! You mean there were even MORE than what was there?

louielouie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
louielouie said...


So glad you haven't changed this blog yet - check out Dear Abby today.

She gives a stupid and potentially dangerous response to a 15 year old student who wants to stay in touch with her favorite teacher. Ron showed it to me because he knew her answer was WRONG.

I hope somebody (that means you, Jo) writes to her about the inappropriateness of teachers sharing email addresses with students.

Plus that teacher is probably going to start a charter school so may have poor judgement anyway.

jojo cucina cucina said...

Hahaha! I know we talked about this on Facebook but I thought EXACTLY the same thing, including the charter school. Abby's answer was so stupid. She should have been adamant about not emailing the teacher. A nice Hallnark card with an innocuous thank you proofed by her mom would have sufficed

jojo cucina cucina said...

Damn iPad keeps shutting me down when I try to edit ... Such as HallMark. Abby should have written.

Dear Teen.

WHAT in hell's acre are you thinking? If you are trying to get your teacher fired ...then by all means be that little bitch and do so, and I hope he has a good union rep. In fact, why don't YOU send me his email address when you get it so I can warn him off you? And while I am at it I will bawl him out for sucking the money out of the public school system and siphoning out any good teachers while he attempts to start a charter school , which I assume is his intent.

Actually, now that I think about it Teen, wait a few months until he gets said charter school going THEN get an ongoing online relationship going. Be sure to send photos of yourself posing in your lingerie. Since he won't have a union rep he will be toast.

If his intent is not to start a charter school and I'm just jumping to conclusions i take it back. Leave your teacher the fuck alone.


Dear Jojo

jojo cucina cucina said...

We watched a good movie tonight: Philomena with Judi Dench. I have to say it is the only Big Oscar movie I have really liked a lot after being underwhelmed with Dallas Buyers Club, Gravity, and American Hustle.

jojo cucina cucina said...

Oh yeah and 'Her' too. I am not sure yet about 12 Years a Slave yet because I fell asleep. And I haven't even tried to watch that Wolf on Wall Street movie yet. I will probably fall asleep in that one too.

jojo cucina cucina said...

Today was a busy day. I balanced my checkbook (no mistakes!!!) Read a whole young adult book by Robert Cromier (who wrote The Chocolate War and the recent book The Painter), ran 43 minutes, made a nice baked seafood rice dish for dinner

jojo cucina cucina said...

Damn I just lost my last post about complaining how difficult it is to post on the iPad!!!!

jojo cucina cucina said...

I am changing this tomorrow because I am behind my schedule of having 52 posts a year.

pearl said...

Can't bring myself to watch "her". Joaquin Phoenix ruins everything he's in for me. I can understand falling asleep in "12 Years..." - it was too painful to watch. I felt I had to. American Hustle was our Christmas Eve movie this year. I liked it. Loved Philomena. Gravity and Dallas Buyers, too...although both were disturbing to experience, they were worth it. You need to see The Hundred Foot Journey next month. Saw the previews last week and it looks like fun. Helen Mirren is wonderful in simply everything and the subject matter will appeal to your inner foodie.

No movies for us for a while - heading to Venice on Saturday for a 2 week cruise 'round the boot of Italy with my stepdaughter and her family.

jojo cucina cucina said...

Venice!!!! Wow a two week cruise is a long time. How many people are traveling with you pearl?

I agree about Helen Mirren. She is good in everything, like Judi Dench. Both attractive women too and I love their style.

A really great movie is 'Chef' that louie had me go to with her. It was her second viewing. Inspires me to cook. Lots of folks in that indie film too. Plus a very good soundtrack.

Speaking of music....Eric Clapton has a music tribute to JJ Cale that I listened to for free on iTunes yesterday and it's great. Includes Mark Knopfler, Tom Petty and Willie Nelson. I am going to buy it. I am not normally a huge Eric Clapton fan, but this is good.

louielouie said...

We saw Philomena on Monday night - I really enjoyed it too. Sort of wish I would have read the book it was based on first. Do you think all the photos and video clips at the end were from the real-life people involved?

I have no interest in "Her" either, for me it's not about Joaquin Phoenix but the premise involved. Am so not watching 12 years a slave - Ron will have to see that one when I'm in Spokane with my sister

We are having a fabulous time. It rained last night so today will be a lazy day, followed by dinner at Ajax.

jojo cucina cucina said...

Do let me know about Ajax! I'm excited to eat there next week. I do think the photos at the end of the movie were real. Brian and i were talking about it. And i checked out the movie on to find out more. Judi Dench was a bit old to be playing the part of the mom of a 50 years old, which got brought up on their message board, but she was SO good in that role. I LOVED when she would give the journalist the whole plot of her romance novel that she finished reading.

Working on a new blog post as we speak.