Sunday, March 23, 2014

Things That Make Me Want to Punch a Bird

My famous floor dusting slippers... This relates to #4
I was going to make a blog post about Simple Pleasures. But i don't feel like being sweet so I came up with this subject instead.

This comes from Ray Romano's character on last week's episode of Parenthood.  In frustration talking to Sarah (an endearingly ditzy and incessant talker, played by Lauren Graham)  he says:

 "If you start rambling, i'm going to want to punch a bird."

It cracked me up. (So much more original than the overused 'kicking ass'.) Here we go:

1. When i buy a new bottle of lotion with that pump thingie it takes me forever to get it started. I twist and twist and it always takes me about 10 minutes to get that stupid Costco size bottle of Lupriderm working.

2. Sometimes when am opening a bottle of wine i use a knife to get that foil thingie off. (I have a foil cutter but i can never find it in my drawers.) And sometimes when i rip that foil off  it slices right into that part of my finger where it bends and hurts the most.

And if you take baby aspirin for health reasons like I do it bleeds and bleeds as if you were stabbed with a hunting knife by your worse enemy.  (I am starting to like screw caps more these days.) Seriously, i am not kidding when i say i have to bandage it up with duct tape.

3. I quit tipping my newspaper gal. Our previous carrier put it right in our Tribune box . This girl throws it on the run. And sometimes it's not even close to our porch at all. One time i didn't think it was delivered because it was thrown so far from our porch.

4. The reason i hate this is because my green floor dust mopping slippers are not outside slippers.

5. Last night i was out with my friend julie (jj) and Sarah (louie) at a wine bar and across the table from us were two women and each one were glued to their smart phones most of the time. And if they talked to each other at all it was to show the other what she was reading on her smart phone. I really wanted to take a photo of them but it would be hard to do that discreetly.

6. Sometimes when i watch the news i am afraid there are more bad people in the world than good people.

7. So I am going to stop watching the news. When they find the  Malaysian airplane - let me know. Already i get my political news only from Jon Stewart and Leonard Pitts articles.

Please come add your own. And i promise i won't REALLY punch a bird. I love birds. (Except for crows. I really hate crows. they creep me out as much as cats. ) I have more things but I'm already at 490 word count!

Notes to Self:                                                               
Word Count: 490
Sunrise: 7:09 am
Sunset: 7:26 pm
Temp: 57/26
Longest Run: 40 minutes
Book: The Goldfinch
Favorite song this week: Me and You by Jake Bugg


jojo cucina cucina said...

How could i forget:

Number of cat photos hidden on Facebook: 4

pearl said...

You do realize that those 2 women were discretely photographing you with their phones and talking about you...?

Anonymous said...

lol, pearl!
1 - i have the same issue with pump bottles.
2 - i use the little pen knife feature on my corkscrew to remove the foil, but sometimes i do poke my finger with it!
5-i have a conspiracy theory that aliens or big brother or something is controlling our minds through our compelling addiction to our smartphones.
gotta go!

jojo cucina cucina said...

hahahaha pearl. They were not taking my photo!

Here is something that makes me want to punch a bird nearly three times a week, though not for much longer:

I only live two miles from work but i have to pass two schools on my way there and they have a 20 mile per hour speed limit certain times of the day when the lights flash. However some of the folks drive it UNDER 20 miles an hour even when the lights are NOT Flashing and not only that even after it says school zone is over and the speed is back up to 30 mpg or 35, they are still moseying along at 15 miles per hour for a long time past the school zone over sign. It happened on my way from the grocery store just now and reminded me.

jojo cucina cucina said...

equayaya! good to see you here. I am still laughing every time i see that Easter Photo of your girls.

Glad to know someone else has a problem with pump bottles. Last week when i finally got the pump to work on my lotion it squirted a big stream in my bathroom and landed on top of my book The Goldfinch smearing the book cover. Which i hate when my book covers get damaged. Ask my friends....

amulbunny's random thoughts said...

There is a bird next door that I wish I had a laser rifle to relieve it of it's damn squawking. They hang it up outside at 1st light and it's there till sundown. Must be an observant bird. LOL> I hate the sucker.

And the baby next door that must be blanket trained and no one will pick up when it cries. My limit was 15 minutes and if they were still crying, then softy Momma picked up the kid and rocked.

I hate school zones. Flashy lights telling you you are going 1 mph over the 25mph limit. Cities that suddenly change from 40 to 35 on a large well traveled street and then tell you with a flashing light. As my foot has lead welded to it I do try to follow the rules.

We never got our paper at our gate. It was either in the neighbors driveway, under the work van or the car. I complained and then cancelled the LA Times.

MH570 has finally been declared lost and all aboard deceased. How in the hell it ended up in the southern Indian Ocean away 1200 miles from Perth is a mystery we'll never know since the CVR's run for 2 hours and then are recorded over. I hope they can find the plane and the FDR as that has more information. And why didn't the ELP and other beacons go off. The thing descended from 35K to 12K and then back up to 45K (top of the 777 range I've been told) and then nothing. How in the hell do you not see a 777 at 12000 feet above you? Where was the secret military radar we know is out there? Where are the satellites that can tell you if you're wearing velcro or tie shoes?

I have the same problem with pump bottles. Took me 15 minutes to get my Burt's Bees open. For wine bottles, I call the kid. But 2.50 Buck Chuck just peels off.

We're going to have an adventure we are. Details mid month on the blog.


louielouie said...

I am posting because:

1. I want to encourage Jo to continue blogging and I love that she had seven entries. Seven might just be the best number ever.

2. She is wearing AWESOME pajama pants in her photo.

3. I wanted to put in a plug for Jo to get a smart phone. I want to text her.

4. I agree, those gals were taking pictures of us; why wouldn't they be?

5. Don't forget the problem of the old-almost-empty bottle of lotion. You can't get the last 1/4 of lotion out without cutting off the top and reaching in. why does everything need a pump anyway?

6. I quit watching the news years ago, back when I was refusing to see/hear about the Vietnam War. I started up again for a bit but quit once I had kids. They didn't need to see that crap, and I never went back after they grew up. It's NPR or nothing for me! Well, NPR and John Stewart that is.

7. I'll do anything to put off working out a little while longer.

louielouie said...

Am enjoying the Centine. Now that I see the box has the pronunciation CHEN-tee-nay printed on it, I will enjoy it even more.

jojo cucina cucina said...

hey a-bunny! How can anyone let a baby cry and cry. Are your neighbors meth heads or something? As I watch Breaking Bad i have come to realize that meth addicts can be anywhere and everywhere and not just living like a Unabomber

jojo cucina cucina said...

I did not mean to publish but sometimes my iPad hooks up and while i can get a cursor i can't get it to type. I think it's because i hit the soft return that Twango taught me. It might not work in blogger??

Oh, i see, i don't need a soft return in blogger. I just have to return! Anyway as i was saying.... i love so many of my neighbors here that it's one of the reasons i don't want to move. So i just have to learn to live with less stuff, which is how i talked myself into getting rid of a lot of my books. (as seen on FAcebook last week.)

jojo cucina cucina said...

shit, my iPad still keeps hanging up on the typing here. So i get to add extra comments to my blog post and make it look more popular. Yes, louie, those pajama pants you made me are ace! They match my slippers and have pockets. Also, didn't you love that they told you how to pronounce Centine? I did think though that the vintage year might be different because it didn't taste AS good as it did that time in the Cafe Divino.

Speaking of wine, Vinotique made a special call to me at work yesterday - my favorite wine place and wine guy. They are closing this weekend which is a month early and retiring and moving to Chile. Paz, his wife wanted to be sure that i knew and to tell Julie too so we can buy some of their stock at discount prices. I think i will get over there tomorrow.

jojo cucina cucina said...

I went to Vinotique tonight and bought 7 bottles of higher end wine with my cash and a discount and it came to $122. I will miss those guys but they took my phone number down because they said they may have a buyer after all and they will recommend me for a job. Though i am sure a new owner would like someone more experienced selling wine instead of drinking it. Plus i only want to work two days a week.

jojo cucina cucina said...

How could i forget these two:

#9. software upgrades! Dammit. Right as i retire and train my replacement Windows XP is going down. We knew this but thought my computer could handle the new Windows (it can't.) So i had to buy upgraded Quicken software too cause it's been awhile.

Now it's like i'm learning a whole new software with only one week left to train. It's like starting over! The Quicken upgrade is not printing budget reports as i memorized them and i can't figure it out through help even.

#10. And yeah those f$#king passwords too.

Amanda said...

Three things that make me want to punch a bird:

• Foam soap. Can't I just get some real soap? The liquid kind that actually cleans your hands? I hate that foam crap. There's no soap in it! That's why it's so cheap and spreading like herpes.

• Public toilets without auto flushers. I'm so spoiled on auto-flushers, I've actually left stalls and had to go back and flush in a panic. These auto-flushers are ruining me, so I need all toilets to have them.

• Baristas who call me bro. How's your day going, bro? My day (and your tip) is much better if you don't call me bro. When did women start getting called bro, anyway? Not cool, man. And, dude is not an acceptable alternative. Neither is ma'am.

I love Breaking Bad! Are you guys watching Walking Dead right now? Season finale is Sunday. I can't wait...but I don't want it to end. It's my favorite thing right now. I want it to be on every night for all time.

jojo cucina cucina said...

i actually like bro better than dude. i HATED dude so much. There is only one Dude and it's the Big Lebowski dude. on Breaking Bad everyone is a bitch. hahahaha....

We are totally addicted to both Breaking Bad AND Walking Dead. We even watch Talking Dead afterwards. We are on Season 4 in Breaking Bad and will probably think about watching either House of Cards or Sons of Anarchy next. There are SO many good shows out there and i can get all of them on Netflix. But i can only handle two series at a time besides Parenthood, which i also love.

Agree about Foam Soap. it's mostly air i think.

pearl said...

Don't mind m'am, but Auntie sets my teeth on edge. I know it's supposedly a term of endearment here, but like sweetie and darling, it wears thin real quick. My nieces don't call even me auntie. Much.

I don't mind foam soap. It's still soap. And I'm getting much better at following up with lotion so my cuticles don't look like I manicure with a weed whacker.

I'm trying to focus more on things that make me sing like a bird...

jojo cucina cucina said...

My nieces Kylee and Ashley have never called me Aunt even as little girls. They used to like to feel grownup by just calling me Jo. But my other niece Jessica and the boys Josh and Brian always called me Aunt. And until recently i was Aunt Joo because Jessica pronounced my name that way as a little girl (she is 31 now) and it stuck. She still calls me Aunt Joo, but Brian just calls me Aunt Jo. Josh until up to the time he died called me Aunt Joo which cracked me up since he was in his 20s and it seemed funnier when a guy still uses the pet names from childhood.

jojo cucina cucina said...

shoot, my iPad keeps stopping my comments on me. My other nephew Christopher uses Aunt.

I don't like the word hubby. and cannot imagine ever using the endearment 'darling'.

Amanda said...

I love TALKING DEAD!! Did you see Andrew Lincoln on last night? I'm totally in love with him now. He's hilarious and very charming. I'm wooed. Very pro-Rick. I'm excited for the next season. It was a good finale, but they really should have said something about Beth. Where the heck is she and why is no one looking for her?

Sons of Anarchy is awesome, so is House of CArds. Too many good shows. And Mad Men is back in two weeks!

I need to retire.

jojo cucina cucina said...

Amanda, Andrew Lincoln was so great last night in Talking Dead! I was not expecting him to be funny! Beth is still alive i think. And i agree with the folks i read in the recaps. She may have something to do with their rescue. Remember how Rick put the hat on her and said 'there's a new sheriff in town"? I like to think that they would not have shown her in so many back stories just because they were killing her off.... but then maybe...that is exactly why they did. But i like to think that her time with Darryl paid off and that's the reason why SHE will rescue them and the only reason they put those two together. I hope she and Carol hook up and do it together.

I haven't gotten into Mad Men yet. But i do want to watch Sons and House.

jojo cucina cucina said...

I hope to change this blog topic up on Wednesday. I don't yet have an idea. Let me know if y'all have something you want to talk about.

Amanda said...

I much prefer Andrew Lincoln with the english accent. He's very dreamy.

I had the same reaction to an interview with Sacha Baron Cohen. I think his movies are ass. But, he's quite charming in real life. He comes off smart and funny. Completely adorable. Too bad his work sucks...well, everything except Talladega Nights.

I'm glad you watch Sons of Anarchy. I never have anyone to talk to about it.

louielouie said...

Just finished watching the West Wing. Loved it! Am sorry it's over.

Once we've caught up on the Good Wife, we're going to start House of Cards.

I do not want to punch a bird.

Don't let Ron hear you talk bad about crows. He loves crows. He feeds the local ones. Crows live like 40 years or something.

Got nothin' else.

louielouie said...

New Blog Ideas:

What you love and hate about Spring

Where you least want to go over spring break

Oh, and I need ideas for Easter dinner for 12.

jojo cucina cucina said...

I am glad i don't live next to Ron if he feeds crows. I absolutely hate them.

My favorite birds are chickadees. Every year we have a family move in to our patio and we look forward to it.

Your topics are good. I'll pick one of yours. I loved the West Wing too and watching it twice. First on TV when it was on and then when Marty loaned me his whole season. I actually stopped it sometimes and wrote out part of the dialogue. Such good TV.

Definitely Andrew Lincoln is hot Amanda! Very charming and funny, actually the best personality in real life of all the Talking Dead interviews so far. Shoot we have to wait until October now!!!!

jojo cucina cucina said...

oops had to start a new one to continue....Sons of Anarchy is supposed to be based on Hamlet???? Anyway, that is my next plan. I'll let you know Amanda when i start watching.

jojo cucina cucina said...

Ok, i lied about changing this tonight. I've been training my replacement (who is fantastic) for my job (working a full day and a full week just training) and it's melting my brain when i get home. I think i am more overwhelmed than she is! But i feel so good about leaving my job in her good hands. She'll be a great fit for our office and her name is Jo too! My last day is Friday.

louielouie said...


How exciting.

I think you should come over Monday and help me do my research so I can have a great Friday soon too.

louielouie said...

We'll celebrate all day; while we research.

jojo cucina cucina said...

I'm up for anything. But first i do have a bunch of boxes of stuff i accumulated in my office after 25 years, including a bunch of writings, photos, and all my personal files, including finances and bills, etc. that i have to unload from the trunk of my car and stacked in my garage. You can come help me do that and we can celebrate two different days.

I will be the last to leave tomorrow. No one is around because of spring break and WEA Rep Assembly in Spokane. So it will just be Jo and me. (Her name is Jo too!) And she has to leave earlier tomorrow so that will make walking out for the last time easier with no one around. We already changed over the phones to her and got my name off the website today.

I need to look for a good used sewing machine.

jojo cucina cucina said...

When is Easter? Jesus is probably going to be asking if He can use my blog to post again. I should be ready for that.

louielouie said...

Easter is 420

jojo cucina cucina said...

Good to know!

jojo cucina cucina said...

Another thing that makes me want to punch a bird. The Supreme Court and how they just helped rich people buy elections more easily. As if their decision on the SuperPacs weren't bad enough. I need to change this blog.

jojo cucina cucina said...

wasn't ....wasn't bad enough. i meant.

jojo cucina cucina said...

i gotta change this blog. I only had a couple of things i thought of about what i love/hate about spring. Of course allergies is the hate part. And flowers are the love part. Today was 0ver 70 degrees and THAT never happens this early in April. Sarah/louie and i went for a one hour and a half walk, some of through the forest where we almost got lost. great first day of retirement!

louielouie said...

IF I were retired and
IF I had a blog,
I would update it.