Friday, January 30, 2009

Things that Twist My Big Mamas

Music: Cat Stevens Where do the Children Play

Destination: A hotel in Seattle Center. A view of the Space Needle (sorta) and two very big ugly cranes blocking the view.

Wine: Sterling Central Coast Chardonnay.

Book: The Senator's Wife by Sue Miller (love it!) and They Told Me There Would be Cake (not sure, barely started it, but i wish i came up with that title.)

Exercise: I pushed a shopping cart around Safeway for about 45 minutes trying to find the right cheese and pate for our little excursion tonight. I'm countin' it as exercise.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Here's what's on my mind lately. It's totally random. I have no idea what i am getting ready to type, but Kylee's rant on her own blog about how no one fills up the Brita got me thinking. (Kylee, your blog post is brilliant!)

1. I eat Yoplait yogurt nearly every morning and i hate when i pop off that foil top and the next thing i know i have Mixed Berry Fruit all over the front of my dry clean only blouse.
2. I don't know why it has happened more than once either, because usually i am a very quick learner. And it makes me so mad to make the same mistake twice.
3. What am i saying?.... I am a woman who was divorced twice by the time I was 35 years old.
4. I think i am too stupid or have some retention disorder in my brain that makes it most difficult to keep up with Lost on ABC. So yeah, Lost, with all it's millions of characters and thousand different plots is finally starting to piss me off. I liked it best when it was just Jack and Sawyer, Locke, Michael and Kate and the kid Walt? (i forget his name. ) And actually I really sorta kind of hate Kate.)
5. Someone wrote a Letter to the Editor in my local newspaper today defending Rush Limbaugh because Leonard Pitts took issue with Rush saying he hopes Obama fails. It made me want to take my dirty Big Mamas off and twist them around the letter writer's neck. A totally different Letter to the Editor was something very wholesome-y and positive (no wonder i cannot remember what the subject was, i just remember it was nice) was signed "Donna Reed".
6. It got me thinking. How old are the editors of my local newspaper anyway? And dammit, when did i get older than my newspaper editor, my doctor, my legislator anyway?
7. I hate it when people do not RSVP.
8. I hate it even more when they DO RSVP and then they don't show up.
9. What the F happened to manners anyway? I go back to my very first blog post. People don't even say thank you that often anymore.
9. I'm starting to think that many Baby Boomers make pretty bad parents.
10. My kids... those ones i didn't have... My kids, thank me every day for making that choice NOT to be a parent. I would have been terrible. I would probably have raised little Charlie Mansons, little kids just striving for control.
11. American Idol. Yeah i'm watching. But only for the Simon Factor. (pearl, you would love Simon as much as i do i believe. I wish you watched!) Anyway .... my point is this: More of us should be like Simon! Really. The world is too full of people who are too careful. Too polite. Too afraid of confrontation. Too lacking in honesty. To willing to sacrifice their own identify and values out of fear of what others may think. And people with a velocity for verbosity (like myself) often spend exhaustive time worrying how we offend people who are Non-Simons. (If i traveled in a world of Simons I would be a very popular person.)

Ok, so what twists your Big Mamas or thong or Jockey underpants?

I was trying to post a photo tonight of the Seattle Space Needle with the ugly cranes, but Brian's laptop doesn't seem to want to support my memory card so maybe later. (I came back to edit using eque's idea of a Big Mama underpants photo. These ARE really my favorite comfortable Big Mamas.)


equeyaya said...

I've learned with the yogurt to point the open tab away from me. But yeah, every once in a while you forget and the yogurt totally burns you.

I think you should post a photo of Big Mamas, 'cause I'm very curious. Are they like Granny Pants? I'm just in some basic Hanes.

What twists them? I kind of went off in a meeting Wednesday. People on my "team" (this is the senior management of a non profit retirement community) were getting offended because we're talking about the economy and questioning every spending decision we make, etc., etc., and they're all like, how can you question anything we do, we work hard, we're stressed out, whine whine whine. So I just went off on them, and how we have to work harder than ever, and yes we have to question things, and the rest of the staff looks to us to be the big boys and girls and we can't be showing our stress, bla bla bla. All I got back was a bunch of blank stares.

Another thing that twists my Hanes is the wing bowl. Every year they have it at some stadium in Philadelphia right before the superbowl, where these disgusting pigs eat wings until they feel like puking. And every year, our news stations (don't get me started on the news stations) cover it like it's a major sporting event. To me, this is a symbol of everything that is wrong with our society.

Hey, you asked!

jojo cucina cucina said...

Barbara, YOU'RE RIGHT! I am going to create an iconic photo for this blog post and future blog pantie twist posts. When i get home i'll find some Big Mamas and take a photo of them and add it later.

I can't stand to hear anyone whine about their job right now. Especially educators. And the truth is i have noticed less people doing so and that's something when you work in a union office. I have a brother who may not be working much longer because he builds homes.

I have to laugh. When you said "wing bowl" i thought you meant "wine" Seems like there are some things we will never forget from Gumbo!

jojo cucina cucina said...

Here's another one. I hate it that when you are making a comment and post PREVIEW to see if you have any mistakes but then you can't go in and edit. Where's the edit button? Am i just not seeing it?

eque, I wanted to add too that i can't imagine anyone being worried about their expenditures being questioned in their job unless they are doing something not quite ethical. I'm glad you didn't put up with their sniveling.

grits said...

oh you girls make me smile!!

I have some honest-to-goodness Big Mamas and I wouldn't post of pic of mine if you paid me! I made Ted promise to burn them if I go first, so nobody can ever see them. I won't be needing them anymore - lol!

Some of my Big Mamma Twists:

1. When I've already gotten this far into a post and I hit some mystery button that makes it disappear.

2. I have the same problem w/fruit cups as yall do w/yogurt. And why must they put so much juice in there?! I also forget (way more than 2x) to NOT dress before I brush teeth. And every freaken single time I forget, I get t-paste on my shirt!!

3. When no one in this house picks up after themself. Including me. We're a bunch of packrats around here.

4. I have yet to find the edit button on comment posts!

5. BIG huge-big mama twist...when my SIL goes to market (like fancy-pancy home furnishing market) and spends thousands on useless junk she thinks will sell at a Hardware Store. Most of it doesn't. And NO ONE reels her in on it!!! AND most of it has a 'made in china' sticker as well as the overpriced price tag!!!!!

6. That last one twists my mamas so bad I forgot what # I was on!

7. People that steal. And some of those same people bitch about their job and pay WHILE stealing. That one twists me so bad I think about doing physical harm to them. I can just see myself in court explaining that my Twisted Mamas made me do it!

8. Mean bully kids in elementary school. Why are they so mean at such a young age?? It truly does twist me as it is very difficult to try to teach my child not to stoop to their nasty ways but also not to be a victim and stand up for herself if need be.

And is the parent or is the kid just mean?? I think sometimes the kid may have older siblings that are mean to them first. Hey, I'm not saying mine is always an angel but she knows the consequences if I learn of it!

9. Grey's Anatomy and the Denny ghost crap. It has toooo much time given to it and I get so tired of it.

10. I just realized I am getting all twisty here and I'm not even wearing any Big Mamas at the moment - LOLLL!! I do have sweats on, so it's not like I parade my bigstuff w/o their costume.

grits said...

here's a fun twist for yall -
I love that little girl, even though she is a bit hoochie sometimes.

Maybe we should just do the twist when we feel twisty, eh?

equeyaya said...

whoa, gritsy's fired up! LOL!

i could definitely go for a wing bowl that is served in glasses! ;-)

that twist youtube is priceless - i love that little girl, and the old lady, too!

BTW, grits, I tried to comment on your face cream blogpost and blogspot wouldn't let me. Of course now I forget what I was going to say, so it couldn't have been too important, lol!

further to the job bitching thing... in this economy, i am working my ass off and trying not to complain about anything. i just thank my lucky stars i still have a job and can pay my bills.

jojo cucina cucina said...

You know what REALLY twists my Big Mamas? Editing posts on blogspot. Dammit. No matter how many returns in put in over and over i simply cannot get a space in between my numbers. And the freaking PREVIEW doesn't really even show you what it's going to look like. I knew this kind of thing would make me crazy when i started blogging.

jojo cucina cucina said...

OMG, Grits. I just now watched the Twist YouTube! That little girl is so amazing and i love the woman in the light blue.
(and i love your rant!)

jojo cucina cucina said...

Grits, i do think there might be something wrong with your blog or it's just a coincidence. After my last post i went to post on your blog. The very second i clicked on your blog from My Favorites it crashed my computer and i had to reboot twice. The first time told me something about a firewall serious error and my antivirus and that's the reason i had to reboot the second time. It took nearly 8 minutes to get back up. Soooo now I'm afraid to go there.

I do have some more rants i just thought of too:

12. We have renewed our Do Not Call list registration but we still keep getting these phone calls from Daily News. It's number is 651-288-2867 and i would say they call us every other day. When i try to pick me up and tell them to put me on a Do Not Call list there is no answer. Does this happen to anyone else?

13. Last night I ordered a bottle of McCrea roussane wine in the Palace Kitchen restaurant in Seattle. The menu priced it at $28. For some reason the waiter comes out with one of those little half bottles. I send it back saying i never order a half bottle. He comes back with a different McCrea Cellar white wine blend called Scirroco blanc telling me the full bottles of roussane were out. I say ok. And i'm happy because it's very good.

I look at my bill once we get to the hotel and see that the bottle he brought out was a $45 bottle which is quite a bit different from the $28 roussane and he could have at least told me ahead of time. When i googled the two i see the difference is only about $5 retail. I have never been the kind of consumer to look over receipts because i find it too embarrassing but i also don't like being duped.

OK, that's it.

grits said...

thank you for letting me know there is something wrong w/my blog -
I dont know what it could be, but I'm gonna try to find out.

oh, and as for double-spacing when making a #list - I think you have to put that in somewhere in your settings- not sure though on that one.

I would be very pissed off over the wing thing!!

furline said...

I'm constantly deleting great narratives and then I can't remember what I wrote.

I'm really tired I'll come back in a day or so and post when I'm on VACATION FOR A WEEK!!

KatKit13 said...

Panties in a twist... LOVE this idea. The things that twist my grannies:

1. Cancer. It sucks from all angles - watching it, dealing with it, hearing about it, seeing it.

2. a f-ing 12lb weight gain in a 36 hour period. And DON'T f-ing tell me it's water weight - it's not. Damn lack-of-thyroid. Totally negated 4 months of hard work at Weight Watchers (and let's not even talk about the monthly price!)

3. skinny biznatches at work who are MAYBE a size 6, COMPLAINING about how they're oh so fat. My very overweight (and I sooooo love her today) coworker told said biznatch that it's rude to complain you're fat in front of fat people.

4. Said same skinny biznatch COMPLAINING that she's the fattest thing in her aerobics classes. (I helpfully suggested that quite possibly she'd like to try a class with real humans and not robots.)

5. Docs who won't listen. Nuff said.

6. Supervisors who constantly think it's a "process" problem and not a "people" problem. Open your damn eyes! It's that you won't hold them accountable for doing their damn jobs.

7. People who harm the helpless, the voiceless, the hopeless. They should all be strung up by their lack-of-balls.

8. pharmaceutical commercials on tv. No wonder our drug prices are so damn high.

9. The *@#%@!!! Steelers winning the SuperBowl. I'm from Cleveland. Nuff said.

Ahhh, that felt good.

Modern Hippie said...

i'm very disturbed you have underwear that big! what are you thinking? lol

i have to completely disagree with the Simon factor, although i think its a good thing to speak whats on your mind and so forth, you know have some balls and say what you really want BUT sometimes you do need to just shut your mouth alot of times things we say are uncalled for and call for unneccesary drama and fights, if its neccesary if its something really important thats a different story but theres no reason to crticize just so you can "speak your mind" think of how hateful and unpeaceful our world would be. especially think of first impressions of people? alot of times we are wrong or misunderstood or we listen to someone else who doesnt like them, when were just wrong.

sometimes we need a little simon in us, but most of the time, we need to learn to be better than that. if opinion or criticism is asked for thats a different story but otherwise, its more graceful to hold your toungue.

jojo cucina cucina said...

Ms. Hippie, nobody's saying that speaking your mind has to mean rudeness. Simon isn't rude, he's just honest, but that's what the Idols are there for, criticism. My point is that people are too careful and afraid to speak up. Or they are long suffering about stuff that bothers them when they should be putting up some boundaries so people know not to cross lines.

KatKit! hey girl. you keep venting. Why is it so difficult to get thyroid issues under control?

Let's see i have more rants. But given the situation with our world these days they are small and are definitely meant as tongue in cheek.

14. Why can't wine be a vitamin? Really, why does everything that we love to eat and drink have to so bad for us? Why can't our bodies need 8,000 mg of sodium a day to be healthy?

15. Dammit you politicians, pay your FREAKING TAXES already, ok?

16. Leave Barack alone about the smoking. As long as little kids don't see him lighting up or there is no video or photos quit asking him and kids won't be reminded that he smokes! Who can withstand that kind of pressure? He's got the worst job in the world right now. I'm surprised he's not eating Xanax like m&ms. I'm just thankful that he isn't.

17. While we're at it, lay off on Michael Phelps too. Big deal.

18. I think that all professional athletes and Hollywood celebrity movie stars should be taking HUGE cuts in pay with the economy in the shits. Let them work for a regular salary like $80,000 a year instead of $20 million. That sounds about right to me. Now the folks can go see a movie and a baseball game without having to take out a second mortgage. Not to mention the money saved on advertising and endorsements. You put me in charge and our Nikes just got cheaper.

19. Why can't there be more West Wing?

OK, that's enough ranting.

susieatl said...

Ok...I have one..

Springsteen tickets are over $100 in the nosebleed section!!! I'd spend that if I could see him but with my mono vision I'll just end up with a headache and need to leave an hour in....


sam said...

I've avoided posting because I'm trying to keep my panties from twisting. However....

1. It's a freaking SAVINGS account! I didn't ask for a loan, I don't want a debit card, I don't want a checking account and, dammit, my credit rating is so much better than it was a year ago and you tell me you don't want my money in your credit union. Fine. I'll go open a savings account at your competition where I already have a business savings account. Bellco CU, it's your loss.

2. If you send me six emails telling me the direct deposit of the subsidy payment will be made by the end of the week then I expect the money to be in my account at the end of the week. IT'S THE END OF THE WEEK!! I liked it so much better when the money came every month. At least it was a tank of gas I could depend on.

3. My husband hasn't done a lot of really-nice-things for me although he's a really nice guy and doesn't say a thing when I spend money on things I want. But two weeks ago, when he was in New Zealand on his way to a 9-10 month deployment in Antarctica, he bought himself a replacement wedding ring because I had mentioned in passing that I wished he had a ring. His was stolen about 6 years ago and he was never in the habit of wearing one anyway. He sent me a picture of it on his hand and told me that he tried his best to match the one I wear - a celtic knot. It's probably one of the sweetest things he's ever done. This thing isn't a panty twister but I thought I'd tell you about it anyway.

4. I want my grown kids to call and offer to take my not-grown kids for an overnight so I can go to a movie and dinner without them. They'd take them anytime I ask, but I want them to ASK ME first. And how about an invite to dinner once in awhile?

5. I'm still going to strive to not get my panties in a knot but thanks for letting me whine a minute. You're the best, jojo!

IslandPearl said...

Travel twisters:

1. People who don't look up at the menu til they're at the counter. It's a McDonalds people. Cheeseburger, fries, coke and get-outta-my-damn-way!!

2. Cellphones in use in said fast food (or any other retail venue) lines. FOCUS! And get-outta-my-damn-way!!

3. In fact, cellphones in general. What is there that is SO important that people have to be on them non-stop? I'm certainly not that important. and I doubt that anyone else is either.

4. When did "bipartisan" translate as "do what I tell you and get-outta-my-damn-way?" Woooohooooo -- I'm bipartisan! (shh-- don't tell mama)

5. If you can't lift it over your head, you shouldn't be carrying it on the plane. Period.

6. If you need to stand up and stretch during the 9 hour flight, remember that my face is at the level of your ass. And I don't like it.

7. And if you grab the top of my seat to help you stand up, person behind me, please endeavor to NOT include a fist full of my hair in your grasp.

8. Why will a $250 a night hotel want to charge me $5 a bottle for water and $3 for a package of cookies, when the $110 a night hotel GIVES me a bottle of water and a complimentary package of Oreos (thank you Hampton Inn!!) Maybe staying in the event venue isn't the best idea after all.

I'm so glad to be home!

grits said...

Pearl makes some good twisties there!

oh and believe me, if I hung my big mammas next to those you have posted, you definately wouldn't call your BIG anymore! LOLLL!!!

speaking of, I really love my big comfy mammas and I'm getting so sad that most of them are beginning to bite the dust. Worse still, I don't remember what size they are and the tags are too washed and worn to tell.
The last few I bought shrunk down to the size of thumbelina mammas -

jojo cucina cucina said...

Oh good to see you susieatl, pearl and sam and Grits again.

pearl, i am still rewatching all of the West Wing series and i was thinking that if i could fly on Air Force One i might not hate and fear flying so much! Wouldn't that be great? I don't think i would even need the Xanax! LOL.

I'm gonna change this blog very soon. I have a new photo i took of my bowling bag yesterday that i want to use. But first i need a free night to drink some wine.

See y'all soon.

cowboy said...

hey JoJo...
Just punching in... (note my groovy Lizzie ID shot!) Loving your curvy road musings... so fun to punch in for over a cuppa (cuppajo, yes!)...

My mammas were twisted au-major last week when my tenant moved out, taking the LIGHT fixture and other bathroom rods/mirror/matching items with him!! NO LIE... just unwired it and put a cheapo shitlooking little one in a different place in the wall, leaving the other wires just hanging loose. Also ripped the fire extinguisher out of the wall and left other holes in the kitchen area where he took out my shelving and put smaller cheap ugly stuff... and left old cat barf in the window nook where his cat sat. How gross is that. Scumboy. I am glad to have had it cleaned professionally over the weekend and have a carpenter coming in tomorrow to do the handy fixerup work tomorrow... then on to painting him totally out of my existance. mammas were major twisted for a few days, must admit! do enjoy throwing any mail he still gets away. Left no forwarding address and left before I got to check him out. Note to self. SELF... bigger refundable Damage Deposit...

Reading a book you might be interested in... The Quiet Girl by the auther of Smilla's Sense of Snow...Peter Hoeg... cannot recall if you liked that book or not... I'm enjoying it even though it is rather hard to follow at the beginning.

webe talkin...