Monday, August 23, 2010

Red Flags that he/she might not be the one for YOU.

I actually wrote up a new blog post yesterday but didn't like it - it was lists that actually were more like an extension of our profiles so i deleted it. Then on the drive over to go out to dinner last night Brian and i were following this car that had all these stuffed animals in the back window. You have all seen those people, right? Just like those folks who drive around waving two or more American flags on their car.

Anyway i said to Brian, "you know if i had accepted a date with a guy and he came to pick me up in a car that had a bunch of stuffed animals in the rear window, i would consider that a red flag." And together we thought of a few more and so i came up with this idea of blogging about red flags and people you shouldn't be dating.

So here are mine, and i hope you come and share your red flag stories.

1. This is actually more of a deal breaker and not just a red flag (hence the graphic). But if he drove up in a truck with those stupid mud flaps with the big breasted girl in silhouette.

2. His car sports a Rush is Right bumper sticker.

3. His vehicle is a Hummer.

4. He orders a glass of milk in high end restaurant before he even asks what you want. (This actually happened to me. it was the same bad boyfriend i blogged about before - the one who wouldn't let me wear his coat during his doubleheader baseball game because it started sprinkling and the coat was leather.)

5. That same boyfriend also ate with a fork like the cowboys do in Lonesome Dove. (Y'all know what i mean.)

6. He speaks in double negatives. I am not a grammar snob, but i really really hate double negatives i think because i grew up speaking that way because my parents still do.

7. He has been unemployed since before the economic downturn.

8.He still lives with his parents.

9. He isn't registered to vote.

10. He has never read a novel for pleasure.

11. Caddyshack is his favorite movie (another red flag from my bad boyfriend.)

12. He doesn't want to meet your friends.

13. A Confederate flag hangs in his living room.

14. He spends more time on his hair than you spend on yours.

That's all i can think of right now, but i'll be back with more later. What are YOUR red flags?


amulbunny's random thoughts said...

1. A guy who's got those bull balls hanging from his trailer hitch.

2. He's got longer and nicer hair than I do.

3. His idea of a quality wine is Annie Green Springs

4. His idea of a 5 star hotel in Vegas is Sam's Town.

5. He asks the waitress who brings you free drinks if she has change for a dollar for a tip.

jojo cucina cucina said...

amulbunny....GOOD one about the tip. I totally forgot how i can't stand lousy tippers.

louielouie said...

1. he is overly invested (emotionally) with his mother

2. he wears smaller jeans than you

3. he is lactose intolerant or has a ton of allergies that impact your ability to enjoy good food

4. he looks at himself in every mirror or window you pass - double red flag if he flexes as he looks

equeyaya said...


Taking copious notes here...

Modern Hippie said...

1. if he meets any of the following: is a republican, didnt/doest vote, isnt registered to vote, voted for jon mccain/didnt vote for Obama

2. if he meets any of the following: didnt get his HS diploma, didnt get a GED, didnt go to college, dropped out of college

3. watches more sports than news

4. doesnt know who the following people are: Audrey Hepburn, Sigmund Freud, Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Jon Stewart, Rob Blaghoveich(sp?) -- I know this list is longer but its off the top of my head

5. doesnt know about the following events: watergate, BP deepwater horizon spill, Hurricane Katrina, 9/11, (again I know this list is longer but its off the top of my head)

6. watches and/or admires twilight, true blood or anything vampire.

7. watches and/or admires jerry springer, glenn beck, fox news, Sarah Palin, professional wrestling (WWF Raw)

wow I could go on forever

I started listing all the things I would hate about a guy and realized I was making the wrong list so I started over but it might have drifted back lol

Modern Hippie said...

how about a list of BLUE flags (I made that up but if red is bad (hot) then blue must be good (cool)

1. hes a registered democratic voter who voted for Obama

2. he has a minimal of a bachelors degree or is in college pursuing such (oh i should mention, theres nothign against not having your college degree - my dad doesnt have one, nor do others on here but in todays day and age it almost proves your 1.) lack of intelligence and 2.) laziness)

3. is doing something with arts, whether hes a musician, an artist or some other crazy form although guitar playing is always a huge bonus (which reminds me if he plays the accordion thats a RED flag!)

4. he watches friends, lost, & house (some of my other favorite shows I would judge a guy for watching)

5. he listens to the same kind of music as me
(gangster music is a red flag for me btw and country depending on how much he listens to it, i dont like cowboys)

6. hes close with his mom and sister (although I agree with Louie not overly invested)

7. has dogs, drives a prius, is eco-friendly, very liberal and likes to kayak.

louielouie said...

Dang you're hard to please MH

I think it's a red flag when he has everything you think you want

jojo cucina cucina said...

Ms Hippie, you can't be serious about all of those. You'll never get to date anyone! AND i have to disagree with this 'blue' flag:

you say:

"2. he has a minimal of a bachelors degree or is in college pursuing such (oh i should mention, theres nothign against not having your college degree - my dad doesnt have one, nor do others on here but in todays day and age it almost proves your 1.) lack of intelligence and 2.) laziness)"
* * * * * * *

There are many many smart guys out there who may not have financial means or are whose lives have them overstretched with taking care of family and no chance to go to college. And you don't need a college degree to build homes or plumb them or wire them with electricity and i can't imagine you would not date a man who could do those things if he is a really good and kind man.

You're right louie, about the overly invested with his mother one! And i wouldn't like dating a radical anything, be it a vegan, environmentalist, or animal rights activist.

And yeah, if he's lactose intolerant that seems like he's namby pamby to me and it messes up with my culinary skills. LOL.

Amanda Haines said...

Hey, I'm lactose intolerant! What's a little gas between friends?


Here are a few of my red flags:

• Two words: Jesus. Fish.

• Similarly, a "Real Men Love Jesus" sticker. (My dad has one!)

• Shaved armpits.

• Gets manicures and/or pedicures. (Real men bite their nails or lose them in carpentry accidents.)

• Bad with money.

• Long hair.

• Doesn't swear.

I know there are more! Haha, this is fun!

equeyaya said...

This is the first time all week I've been here with an actual keyboard so I can ACTUALLY TYPE.

I feel a need for clarification between RED FLAGS and DEALBREAKERS.

When I read Kylee's comment about a college education, I thought, "oooooh, this could get controversial!" But this is Kylee's list. And at your age, dahlin', I totally get that. And that's where "red flag" versus "dealbreaker" comes in. If a guy in his early 20s didn't go to college, is it because he's lazy or stupid or too stoned all the time to go to classes, or is it because he has another plan. When you don't know someone, it's a red flag. When you get to know them better, you either get it, or it's a dealbreaker.

At our age, someone who didn't go to college has had half a lifetime to prove him/herself in other ways. Some of the smartest people I know are self-educated and more successful than many of the educated ones. My daughter has a passion for doing hair. She probably won't go further than getting an associate's degree, but she has the talent and the drive to go very far in her career. Time will tell whether she does.

So here's my list, with a little red flag vs dealbreaker thrown in....

1. Smoking. It's not just that it's a dirty disgusting habit. I don't know if I want to make a long-term commitment to someone who will die young, or worse, have a long-suffering debilitating smoking-related illness that will require my care and attention.

2. Religion. This is religion versus faith. I'm very comfortable with people who are spiritual. It's the dogmatic, "no mosques near 911!" mindless idiots I want to avoid. If someone is Christian, it doesn't mean I won't date them. Hell, I'm a Christian, if you want to be technical about it. This is an issue where the degree determines whether it's a red flag or a dealbreaker.

3. Sports. I've been known to attend a sporting event now and then and even get a bit caught up in the excitement of the game. But I don't know that I could spend my life with someone whose life revolves around sports. Too much friggin' aggression and testosterone for me. Especially football, yuck.

4. Excessive hairiness. This is definitely red flag, not dealbreaker. If there were enough good qualities to outweigh the excessive hairiness, I could probably live with it. But I would reserve the right to gag openly now and then.

equeyaya said...

(continued... jo can you change your settings to allow more than 4,096 characters? and where do they come up with THAT number? is is a dharma thing?)

5. Hunting. I've always said, I'm not truly opposed to hunting. But I don't know that I could love someone who gets pleasure from killing living things. I kind of feel the same way about guns. I'm not opposed to people having guns, but collecting and vehemently defending the right to own an assault weapon just escapes me.

6. Politics. I might be able to live with a republican if he wasn't too passionate about it and was still open minded. But it wouldn't be my first choice.

7. Doesn't like animals. This could be a dealbreaker if it meant that he couldn't live with animals. I used to judge people on whether they had a dog. I would try to work it into job interviews. But then I realized there are a lot of good people out there who just don't understand the joy than animals bring because they never experienced it growing up. So I give them a pass, but they have to be open to me loving animals and always having pets in my life.

8. Music. Someone who doesn't appreciate a variety of music, or worse, limits himself to something like country music, probably doesn't have a place in my life.

9. Books. Someone who doesn't read doesn't grow. That's a big red flag for me.

10. Like Louielouie said, "I think it's a red flag when he has everything you think you want." And I don't really know what I want. I hope I'm perceptive enough to recognize it when it's in front of me.

Great post idea, jo! (and yes, I had two margaritas before writing this, so don't hold me to anything!!)

jojo cucina cucina said...

eque, i wish i knew about a setting with the number of characters. it's annoying. If someone does let me know!

Those are very good lists! and good point made about college...KYLEE, take note.

Amanda. I get Jesus. By fish do you mean that fish decal that people put on the back of their car to prove they are a Christian?

15. eque, I was thinking about music too. My ex-husband (the second) actually loved that Billy Vera and the Beaters (i think that's the name) where he had that super cheesy song "At this Moment" played on that show with Michael J. Fox (where he played a young Republican, i forget the name of the show. i even forget the husband. But i totally remember that horrible song.)

16. A red flag for me too would be that he only drinks Bud Lite out of a can and would never touch wine unless it came out of a box.

17. There are many red flags one could come up with in regards to vehicles. One might be that he drives a hot rod in his 50's (which is my age).

18. He still wears a mullet.

19. Wifebeater t-shirts are his favorite attire.

20. He would never ever consider owning a tie. Not even for special occasions.

21. On the other hand if he insists on putting all of his shoes in those wooden shoe trees that would give me pause. (My ex did that too.)

22. speaking of sports, eque...a HUGE red flag is that he a LOT of his trophies decorating his pad.

louielouie said...

Sorry about the lactose intolerant crack; it’s just toooo many food restrictions make it hard for me to cook

Actually I don’t care that much what he eats or drinks as long as he isn’t making comments about what I choose to eat and drink. We had a great conversation on my family-reunionish trip about what you would want for your last meal (prior to execution) except for one crab cake option, all the rest chose a juicy, tender medium rare Rib Eye steak. Of course the vegetarians had gone home by then. Not sure why I felt the need to share that.

I totally get the red flag vs deal breaker equ. I think the red flag is a take caution sort of thing, not a no-way ever.

Deal breakers

Really poor hygiene
Those memorial decals on the rear car window

Red Flags:

Window decals, Yellow magnetic ribbons or bummer stickers in general (sorry jo)

Man I had that in a sweet table, but it wouldn’t translate.

Amanda, I am so impressed with your ability to use bullets

Amanda Haines said...

By Jesus Fish, I mean those stick-on metal fish that people put on their cars to prove they're Christians. I hate those stupid things.

I also agree about those memorial stickers (I saw one from 2003 the other day!) and the magnetic ribbons, especially the camo one. I don't even know where people buy those things. I've never seen them in any store.

To do the bullets, hit Option 8 :)


KatKit13 said...

Interesting topic. I have a few deal breakers...since I married an Aspie.

*kisses like a fish - EW. I don't need my face slobbered over. (I'm not sure that can be taught differently)

*here's a flip side - is unhealthily attached to his pets. If the dog is the best thing in his life, why is that?

*doesn't have any friends and tries to consume your life as always being his.

*argues a point to oblivion, even when proven wrong 8 sentences ago.

*Drives some sort of obnoxious car (unless it's a passion and he has a few for fun. LOL) Or a car that's barely held together. (or in my weird neighbor's case - babies a 20 year old car that will never be a classic (a 92 Ford Taurus? Are you kidding me?)

*clothes - can we discuss this?! Don't wear farkin' bedroom slippers to the grocery store. Don't wear those damn slippers with SHORTS, white socks, a wool driving cap and a screaming yellow parka. (I wish I'd gotten a picture - it was so outlandish)

*hygeine - nothing worse than b.o., a lack of a decent haircut, shave for the love of Mike. Another deal breaker? Clipping his fingernails anywhere but the privacy of his own bathroom.

*filthy house/apt - have some self respect.

And my Green/GO flags?
*eye contact - HAS SOME.

*attentively listens to what I have to say - even if he thinks it's silly. It's a respect issue.

*isn't afraid to make a damn decision - as well as isn't afraid to compromise.

*his family is important - but not all consuming. IE: His momma ain't calling once a week to change light bulbs or haul stuff from Costco.

*is a bit adventurous. This means isn't afraid to try a Pakistani restaurant, will go try a new ride at the theme park, will attempt to go out on a new experience - without griping, whining or finding a lame excuse not to go.

*comfortable in his own skin, with who he is.

Yup, starting to create my wish list. I've made my decision to get out - and now I'm working up the money, job, etc... gonna take me a while.

Thanks - this was fun!

equeyaya said...

good for you, kat!!! i love your list, especially "kisses like a fish" lol!!!

susieatl said...

I missed this!! I'm the absolute expert on this:

1. Doesn't believe in banks/government/credit cards and keeps all his money hidden somewhere in his house.

2. Hasn't changed his sheets in years.

3. Rushes you out of his house so can bring his next girlfriend over who works the swing shift.

4. Cries on the first date.

5. Wears his wedding ring on the first date.

6. Talks about distributor caps on the first date.

7. Refuses to eat anywhere where the combined cost of your meal exceeds $20.00.

8. Tells your daughter when you get home that he was ripped off because you refused to take your panties off. He thought that was a good joke??? (I had to hold back several of my male coworkers who wanted hunt that guy down).

Oh..there is so much more...