...but i'm going to see what happens....here we go....
1. The Oklahoma tornado just hit last Monday and now you all have my permission to kick my ass if i complain about our Pacific Northwest gloomy weather, semen colored summer skies again.
2. I'm not saying i won't complain about it, cause i will forget eventually and bitch about it by this time next year. I'm just sayin' you can beat me up for bitching.
3. I got a third pair of bifocals in as many years and they still aren't right. I'm back to wearing my Costco readers. So tell me why they can make an old man's dick get hard (even when the wife is wearing her ugly big mama's and a big flannel nightgown) but they can't make your eyes work once you're older?
I told my husband they should be able by now to take our eyeballs out of our head and put them in a tumbler that shapes them just right so we can all see perfectly. Penises over eyesight. In the words of what The Thug Kitchen dude would say if the Thug was a girl: Penises over eyesight? That's fucked! Eat more carrots!
4. ....Not to mention penises over menopause!
5. Ok, Ok....i think i remember that i said i would not talk about my menopause issues anymore.
6. Only i can't remember for sure it was menopause or retirement i was going to stop talking about...I can't remember since i am in menopause!
Let me interrupt this blog to put on some music. I am going to close my eyes and click into my library and play that song.
7. Ok, I'm back...."You Ain't Alone" by Alabama Shakes is now playing. (hahaha. i don't like to scroll too much. I've never been very adventurous with my eyes closed so i stopped at the A's...not a bad song to stop at though.)
8. I was excited to know that Ben Affleck was closing out SNL this season, only to be disappointed in his performance. Did he not show up at all for rehearsals all week? He clearly was reading his cue cards. (Almost worse than Robert DeNiro years ago.) The whole show was so lame compared to Mick Jagger's close last year at this time.
9. I got a massage yesterday. My husband bought it for me for one of my birthday presents for doing the half marathon last Sunday. It was fabulous! If i were rich i would get one every day! (I always wonder why people don't get massages instead of spending their money trying to escape life with drugs. Massages have to be way better than any drug that anyone can take.)
(I wish every disgruntled, ill-mannered person who walked into our union office could first go off in a room and get one of those work type of chair massages before they even spoke to us.)
10. hahaha.. how about that!.... i managed to get my birthday AND my half marathon in one sentence just cause i love to talk about my accomplishments. (I can do that because it's MY BLOG! Though i thoroughly encourage everyone to come here and talk about how you have done something that makes you proud of yourself!)
11. Also because I am against false humility. The sin of pride is the least of my sins!
I can't pretend that i am not proud of being 56 years old and completing this race. (It's on Facebook but indulge me please to add it here to for history:) I ran it in 1:58:46, which is an average pace time of 9:04 ending in the top one third of all runners, including the men. (Something like 1256 runners completed the race.) It was my 4th time running it but i think my fastest time, or maybe my second fastest.
12. I found out that i can run hills since i trained for them this year, (thanks to my friend Karie who i ran with on Mondays). I loved passing people younger than i was. And men too.... that was the best!
13. It's a long time to run and what's funny is i don't really even remember what i thought about. Last year when i was training i worried it would be difficult without my iPod - which hadn't been invented when i ran my previous one. (Listening to music is totally frowned upon in a race so i didn't even consider it for long)... I thought i would get bored and it would be such a terrible drag. But i was never bored at all! Even though i can't remember what i was thinking. (I do remember at one point doing math in my head about how fast i had to run the last few miles to break 2 hours.)
13. This must be why i like running a race like this. Maybe my brain is most at rest when my body is working hardest.
Ok, that's all i got. So what's is going on with all of y'all?