Thursday, February 19, 2015

Dear Abby, That Bitch, Tells me to "Loosen Up"

Recently Dear Abby had a letter from a writer that could have been me.

Dear Abby Letter

DEAR ABBY: Do you know why people nowadays feel the need to announce their pregnancies via ultrasound pictures? I'm sorry, but I really don't want to see all that. I guess some folks think the image of a blurry, black-and-white fetus is "darling." But to me, all I see is an up-close-and-personal snapshot of a stranger's uterus. Even if we're best friends, I don't need all that detail. TMI, right?
I really wish people would deliver this kind of news face-to-face. Or call me, text me, whatever. It serves the same purpose and isn't nearly as graphic. -- NOT READY FOR A CLOSE-UP

Here is where this started : (aside from my earlier irritation with Facebook ultrasound photos...) : I have a sister in law on my husband's side of the family. (One of the reasons i will never publish my blog on Facebook.) A week ago she sent me four photos of her daughter's ultrasound photos where you can see a close up of the baby's face. Then she added that the baby looks just like his father.  (WTF?)...

As a Non-Mom i never get caught up in pregnancy stuff. I love kids, especially AFTER they are born.

I already got in trouble from this sister in law when i told her we were going to be 1- 1/2 hours late for their "Find out the Baby's Gender " party because i was not going to miss this year's Seahawk playoff game.

I don't understand this early celebration about the gender. While I am happy that her daughter is having a baby and think she will be a great mom - who won that playoff game was more important to me than if her baby is a boy or girl, since i don't really care about any baby's gender. I just hope it's healthy and happy and sweet when the baby gets older.

And to me baby ultrasound photos to me are like photos of cats. They all look the same. And they kind of creep me out.

I will add though i don't mind them (as much) if they are produced to me in person as a way of making the original surprise announcement. But if i already know they are pregnant and i am presented with an ultrasound photo, I feel as if i am expected to ooh and ahh when i'm just looking at a dark blob.  It's hard to know what to say. In fact louie here had to help me craft a response to the four photos i received. Her suggestion was perfect: "You must be very excited!" (Can't remember if i really used an exclamation point.)

Then it dawned on me why i might be having issues:  I am pro-choice. And while i am not saying that  to enter into a pro-life vs pro-choice debate here, because i do respect those who are pro-life, i am just saying it might be why I am uncomfortable. (Though i suppose pro-lifers may also share my issue with this oversharing of ultrasound photos. )

I never like it when i feel i have to come up with the right words because I don't want to encourage more of the same, I don't want to sound phony when i reply, and i also need to preserve the feelings of a sensitive person sending the message. Eggshells are the worst surface for me to walk on. And i usually fail at it. I would rather run barefoot over gravel.

Notes to Self: 
Word Count: 495(if you don't count the Dear Abby letter and notes)
Longest Run: 38 minutes
Highest bowling score/lowest: 159 / 91 (oddly enough my best game was the third game)
Book: Back to Fall of the Giants
Hi/low temps: 56 / 30
Sunrise/sunset: 7:10 am / 5:41 pm (19 extra minutes of daylight since last post.)
Good News: Things are underway and on schedule for our floor remodel!
Bad News: We won't have DVR capabilities when we are housesitting during the remodel.
New Favorite program: Better Call Saul


jojo cucina cucina said...

What is also funny about the Dear Abby letter is i read it that morning and laughed and then logged on to email louie to tell her about the letter since i had just been ranting about this very issue and when i logged in i could see that she had already emailed me about reading Dear Abby at 7 am that morning.

pearl said...

I think the prolife/prochoice thing nails it. As you know, I'm prolife (with rare exception), and it drives me round the bend when someone that I know is prochoice waxes all sentimental over an ultrasound or laments a miscarriage. I don't understand how it can be either a tiny human or just an amorphous blob of unnecessary tissue dependent only upon the whim of the woman carrying it - whether she wants to keep it or not. It's a life - not a handbag.

But that said, ultrasounds don't do much for me either. Of course, I'm the one who can't make out the 'art' in those pixel thingys either. When I look at an ultrasound, I see a humanoid shape, and sometimes the tiny hands and feet, but that's about it.

jojo cucina cucina said...

Oh good! it's not just me with the ultrasound photos then pearl! Honestly i have a hard time saying a brand new baby a few days old is cute, because they hardly ever are. I love it when they get at least two months old, but i especially love babies a bit later than that, like three months when they start to smile. And i especially love babysitting Brady now that he's loving walking and laughing and is trying to say words. Once they get personality it's so much more fun. I would have been a terrible stay at home mom with a newborn. But i would probably have loved it by the time they were one years old.

Amanda said...

My dad, who is crazy pro-life, was convinced that having Harry would make me reconsider my pro-choice stance. But, having carried a baby and gone through the trauma of labor, I'm more pro-choice than ever. Pregnancy and delivery were terrifying and traumatizing for a baby we wanted. No one should have to go through that if they don't want to.

I'm an ultrasound photo offender, so I'll just apologize quietly. I'm sorry. I was excited.

jojo cucina cucina said...

Amanda, i had forgotten that you posted an ultrasound of Harry! lol....

Well at least you didn't inundate me with many photos. And i guess i don't put you in the same category because you are pretty pragmatic about things in general and have been so upfront about the difficulties of being pregnant and giving birth and don't describe it as a 'beautiful pain' as i have heard before. And i was happy to see you were excited! :)

Amy said...

The ultra sound photos (baby Harry might be the only one I've ever seen where I could actually see a baby) don't bother me nearly as much as those 3D photos people have been getting that are all brown and gross and too realistic. When I worked at the TNT everyone seemed to be pregnant and they would make their desktop wallpaper on their computer the photo. We worked in a sea of 4' tall cubicles so happening upon one of those photos was startling.

I can't agree on the cat photos. I can never see enough cats :) #crazycatladyproud

B said...

I see it from a couple of different angles.

- For almost a year, that's the only "proof" that you're pregnant. Many women I know would give anything to see a picture of their baby in utero.

- I'm not terribly impressed by the ultrasounds myself. I think it did make it feel more real to me. It helped that in the picture she was looking at the camera with a hand up like she was waving. You can count her fingers and see she has five. Despite the pic, I was in denial until she was here...maybe for a while after that too.

- I don't necessarily have an opinion about the prolife/prochoice differences. All I know is that I hate when the pro-lifers post pictures of aborted fetuses. I really don't want to see dead babies/fetuses as I'm scrolling Facebook in the morning.

- I think there are people who feel like when they go through life events that they are the first person ever to be a bride, have a baby (and expect everyone to drop everything to attend a gender reveal party), etc. I genuinely am happy for the person...unless it gets excessive in the attention-seeking and if they put unrealistic expectations on you. But those that seek an above average attention like that for babies/weddings/every sniffle are usually more dramatic and "need" more than I can give anyway.

So I guess this is all to say that I don't mind when people post ultrasound long as it isn't every day. How they announce their seems to be a competitive thing -- most original way to unveil the news, and nowadays an ultrasound pic is the lazy way to do it. I'm fairly lazy myself, so I actually prefer it to a 3 minute video or a montage that looked like it took hours to create.

jojo cucina cucina said...

Hey Amanda and Bethany!

LOL Amanda re: cat photos! Glad you don't hold it against me!

And yeah, there are people who when they get married or have babies need all of this attention. My niece who is pregnant isn't like that but her mom is all about her daughter getting attention and i think that is why i resist. The more attention people want from me the less likely i am to provide it.

I need to change this blog. We are displaced from our house during this remodel and i'm trying not to get cranky about it. I lost the charger for my iPod , i thought and tore apart all of our luggage where we are housesitting and then went to our house where everything is out of our house and in the garage only to come back and find that it was plugged in to the wall, not because i did, but because Brian took it out of the box of chargers i had packed and thought it was for his iPhone. Made me happy and pissed all at the same time.

This is our 4th remodel since 1992 and i forget what a pain in the ass it is. I think remodeling for me must be what like childbirth is for moms. It hurts to give birth but you forget about it and do it all over again anyway so your child can have a brother or sister. And then maybe even again after that.

i only hope i like it when it's all done.

jojo cucina cucina said...

i can't change my blog on my iPad because it no longer recognizes me. I have no idea WTF? I constantly keep having to log in to Facebook, Houzz, Pinterest even though i click keep me logged in. Don't know what's wrong. Oh well, i didn't have anything really to talk about.

jojo cucina cucina said...

Amy! i just realized i looked at your name as Amanda! Sorry about that!

equeyaya said...

I'm totally with you on the pro choice thing. I lost a baby at 18 weeks in 1992. They induced labor I had to deliver him. Then they wanted me to hold him and made me take pictures of him home with me. I was sad about the whole thing, but that didn't help me. He wasn't meant to be, that's all. If it weren't for that, I wouldn't have Grace. And I can't make out what I'm supposed to be seeing on an ultrasound picture either. I usually just ignore that stuff on facebook. Along with most of the other stuff. I agree with B about the attention seeking behavior, and choose not to reward it.


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Anonymous said...

Very funny except I can't approve of the blaspheming of cats. ~Cat