Friday, April 3, 2009

Bad Boyfriend Story. Bad Girlfriend Story. Come tell yours.


In my glass: this REALLY good viognier/chardonnay blend from Chile called Estampa.

On iTunes: "Oh Sister" by Andrew Bird

On my bedstand: "How to Sleep Alone in A King Size Bed" (i forget the author)

On my mind: Why are there so many shootings lately?

Hair day: Not bad today. Actually why is it that everytime it's close to a haircut appointment i like my hair the most?

What's pissing me off: Nothing at the moment. But let's wait and see if i can get blogger to post this with no problems.

The best thing that happened this week: I bowled over my average in 2 games last Tuesday.


Everyone has a Bad Boyfriend/Bad Girlfriend Story. Here is mine:
It was the summer of 1987. And it was a hot and sunny summer - i remember that we were in swimsuits on the lake in May. (Which hardly ever happens in the Northwest) . I had just turned 30 years old that year and had been living single for nearly three years after divorcing my first ex-husband. AND In 1987 I had just broken up a two year relationship with the guy (who would later become my second ex-husband in 1989...a whole 'nother story) when i met this Bad Boyfriend.

That's his photo above taken on the bow of his fancy ski boat. (He also turned 30 that year.) Isn't he fit? Yeah, he was. (He actually loved his own body more than mine.) He was (and probably still is) a total jock. He religiously lifted weights. He played rec softball. He was a great water skiier, and he played basketball. He had been a high school superstar and it soon became apparent to me that he was missing those high school glory days even at the age of 30.

But i overlooked all that cause i was coming off a breakup... and it was summer ...and he was so cute.

There were many red flags that i ignored because he was a stud. (Actually the photo above doesn't do him justice). It's embarrassing how many flags i ignored: He would call on a Friday to go out on a Friday night. He ordered milk in a fancy restaurant and at the same time put the napkin around his neck as a bib, even though he hadn't ordered lobster or ribs. And he was pretty cheap. He didn't own a corkscrew, but i was so impressed that he was able to open a bottle of wine with a screwdriver that i didn't care at the time. He didn't show up at one of his own family overnight get togethers where i had been invited (and arrived separately with his brother) and i was there the whole weekend with his family but without him.

But my favorite story is the Leather Jacket Story.

Like I said, he was a jock. He played softball nearly every weekend. Now, I loved to play softball, and had played third base on my brother's rec league myself years before, but truthfully ...i didn't really love watching it all that much. For one thing, he was the only one i knew on the team. And it's boring to cheer for only one player. But he liked having me come and watch him play. So i would go. We rode together and i would sit around alone for about an hour (cause i didn't know any of the other girlfriends or wives) before the fricking game even started. Sometimes i brought a book or a magazine.

So this one time we arrive at the field for his late afternoon/early evening game and when we get there he comes back and tells me that it is a doubleheader, which he had not known before. Inwardly i am groaning knowing i have to sit through, not one, but two games. But i put on my best girlfriend smile, and i cheer the team.

By the time the second game starts it is getting colder (most Northwest summers in the evening feel like winters in normal places) and i have not prepared because i thought it would be over before dark and it was sunny and warm when we left. THEN it starts to drizzle and now i'm getting wet AND i'm cold. Even though i am in jeans and light sweater i am starting to really get uncomfortable. So around the 4th or 5th inning of the second game i have had enough and cannot stand it anymore. So i go over to the Bad Boyfriend as he is sitting on the bench and talk to him through the fence. I tell him that i am cold and ask if i could have the keys to his car so i could get his coat to wear.

I remember that he has this totally irritated look on his face because i have interrupted his intense softball concentration and he says (and i am paraphrasing but this is exactly the message), "Well...hmmmm. i dunnnooo, you know.... cause it's a LEATHER coat and it's brand new and it's leather. And now it's starting to drizzle now and that would ruin it. Because it's leather." And then he pauses and asks, "Why didn't you bring your own coat?"

And so i got back to the bleachers and sit. And i freeze my ass off for about another hour. THAT would so never happen today. And it makes me pissed off at my younger self for not hailing a cab and getting the hell out of there right then at that moment. And not only that, even more embarrassing is i stuck it out with him for a few more weeks and only got out of it when i found out his old girlfriend was coming back around. The truth is he actually never was into us ever and had that book "He's Just Not That Into You" been published back then i am sure i would have learned must faster than those 12 weeks of summer with the Bad Boyfriend and would have ended within two.

And that's my Bad Boyfriend Story. So please allofyall, come tell your Bad Boyfriend/Bad Girlfriend Story. Even if it embarrasses you.


IslandPearl said...

I dated plenty of bad boys...was drawn to them most of my youth for some reason. Nice boys bored me.

But my best bad boy story was a momma story. I dated an up and coming young attorney for a couple of months. He was an only child, with a single mom. Danger! Warning!!

I have never been in such direct competition for a man in my life. I started wearing my hair in an up do, momma started wearing hers up. I brought my guitar over to the house one night (the lived together...I know. DANGER! WARNING!!!) next thing I know she's taking guitar lessons.

Fortunately, the ick factor helped me to call a swift end to it.

He did get married...but not for very long. And was elected mayor of the town he lived in. And, ultimately, went to prison for 5 to 10 for ripping off the estates he was managing for little old ladies. Talk about Oedipal.

Can I pick 'em or what? Oh...and ex #2...was an only child of a single momma. So I'm apparently also a slow learner.

IslandPearl said... recapcha was baract.

IslandPearl said...

Oh recapcha after that was headmixa.

Coincidence? I think not.

jojo cucina cucina said...

pearl.... just cause we've swapped some good ex-huz stories over our real life dinners, i just knew you would have a good Bad Boyfriend Story to post here. But for gawds, sake...nobody i ever dated ever went to PRISON! LOL....

However, the real surprise is if you ever told me you played guitar before i don't remember. So that is cool to know.

P.S. Y'all gotta love my PhotoShop black tape over the Bad Boyfriend's eyes.

P.S.S. I showed my husband Brian my blog tonight (as i often do with my blog posts) and he thought it was funny. I didn't want him to venture off here and think what in the hell would i be giving credence to an old Bad Boyfriend on my blog mean. It only means that i think it might just bring out the lurkers here to post their own embarrassing story of a former boyfriend. And what fun it is to find out you are in good company. AND not only that to also know so well that today there is no way in hell you would allow that to happen again.

Anyone from here on out would be dust and ash if we were ever in that situation again.

sam said...

I only ever dated two "men". And I married the second one. I had lots and lots of guy friends but even they wouldn't have fit into the Bad category.

Gawd, I feel cheated at not having a bad boyfriend story.

And yet, there's a kind of thankGodIneverhadtodealwiththatkindofcrap feeling.

Lynnie said...

I have too many Bad Boyfriend stories to count. But mostly they have one thing in common: starting with John J., my first big crush in 8th grade, the guys that I fell for ended up marrying the next girl they dated.

John J. started dating Terry our freshman year and married her 6 years later! Cal P. ~ my date for the high school senior prom - got back together with me during my Freshman year in college, and then got some gal pregnant and married her. Don F. - who I dated off-and-on during my Sophomore, Junior, and Senior years in college married a "townie" (I was a "professional virgin" during my college years, and apparently my not "putting out" was reason enough for these guys to impregnate their future wives!)

And then there was Lee S., who I knew in college but had never dated. He changed colleges and married someone from the Chicago area. I re-met him a year after I graduated at a former art professor's New Year's Eve party in Bloomington: Lee was single again. We saw each other every night for a month (we both lived in Chicago then.) And then he went back to his ex-wife.

But I have even better Bad First Date stories! I will come back a little later and relate the funniest ones.

Lynnie said...

Word: Estiva ~~ dang, sounds like birth control, doesn't it?

Lynnie said...

Oh wait, I DO have a good Bad Boyfriend story (maybe the Bad First Dates should be another topic . . .)

After my first marriage broke up, my teacher friend Sandy introduced me to Chet, who was a friend of her husband Jay.

Chet was a photographer, and I really liked him at first, because he would take both my dog and me to cool places and photograph us frolicking. One time we drove passed a new housing development that had a waterfall built at the entrance. Someone had poured soap into the waterfall and there were bubbles flying across the highway. Chet stopped the car, got out his camera, and took pictures of my dog (a small white German shepherd-looking foundling) and me, playing with the bubbles on the rocks of the fake subdivision waterfall. (Sadly, I never did get to see those pictures.)

Well, Chet's problem is that he would ask me out, and then show up one or two hours late. And then he would just turn off the TV, even if I was in the middle of watching something really interesting. Whenever he came over, he treated my place like it was his, and that started to annoy me. But because he was friends with Sandy and Jay, I put up with that aspect of his personality for more weeks than I like to remember.

The last straw was one Summer night when he asked me to go out to dinner and a movie. When he showed up, I was in a dress and heels. (That was the '80s when we still wore dresses and heels.) He had arrived riding his motorcycle. I had never ridden on a motorcycle before, so (stupid me) ~~~ I didn't think about changing clothes into something more sensible.

And it was OK, riding on the back of the 'cycle while the sun was still out, on less-traveled suburban roads.

But when we came out of the movies, it was raining like crazy, and he decided that the best way to get back to my condo quickly was to take the expressway.

I promise you, you do not want to ride on the expressway in the pouring rain in a Summer dress and heels. The rain felt like needles were piercing my skin.

That was my last date with Chet. Buh-bye . . .

Lynnie said...

I just reread my first post, and realized that I saw Lee S. every night for 3 months ~~~ not one ~~~ before he got back together with his ex-wife. We started seeing each other on New Years (he even brought me "home" to meet his parents) and it was the end of March before he dumped me. How could I have forgotten that?

He was the one that I was totally besotted with. It took me years to get over him, even though I married my first husband just 5 months later.

OMG, I never even put that together before; how "on the rebound" I was . . .

OK, I'll quit now, before I start remember other unpleasant, embarrassing things . . . LOL

Lynnie said...

Jo, you wrote: "He didn't show up at one of his own family overnight get togethers where i had been invited (and arrived separately with his brother) and i was there the whole weekend with his family but without him."

I had one of those, too. Carl (Bad Boyfriend between husband #1 and present husband) invited me to his sister's wedding at a very posh resort in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin. He brought me there, and then ignored me for the entire weekend, spending all of his time playing golf and drinking with his Dad and the brothers-in-law, leaving me with his Mom and sisters whom I had never met before. They were so sweet to me, but I was really hurt to be so ignored.

OK, now I'm done for sure!

susieatl said...

I have way too many to tell.

Let's see....there was James...he was seeing me and a bunch of other girls on campus AND he was engaged to a girl back home. When I found out I sold his car on the free flyer at the grocery store. He didn't find that amusing at all.

Then there were the many stream of losers that I dated after my divorce...there was James with the 2 inch penis who had to end our dates at ten. Said he had to work early..but it was because his real girlfriend got off work then.

Oh, and the bi-sexual soldier who was married?

And Larry who wanted to get married and have babies on our first date..

And for everyone, Satan was actually a wonderful boyfriend and a husband..till he wasn't.

IslandPearl said...

I have a new blog (additional) ... it's at
and is somewhat self explanatory.

Modern Hippie said...

you told me to come post one, but i have to think harder for one. i mean james was shitty but there arent any stories really, or i dont rememebr them they were a long time ago! ill think and get back to you i just didnt want you to think i ignored your email to check it out.

equeyaya said...

I don't have too much material for this, being that I met my husband when I was 15.

There was Glen, from church. He was the first boy that ever paid attention to me. He was 15, I was 13 (I think), and he made me feel special. We had a youth group activity one night, rollerskating I believe. My dad drove a bunch of us in his pickup truck with a cap on the back. There was a table in it with bench seats all around, and a bunch of us rode back there. I brought my friend, Beth, who was a year older than me, and had boobs. Glen sat between us. He kissed me on the cheek, and I was so happy about that, until Beth told me later that he kissed her, too.

grits said...

Too many bad boys to even count but some I do remember, in no particular order...

Robin - lived with this one a short while in Arkansas till I found his pot crop, which was no dinky garden

Eric - the male-ho w/no job, car or money

Joel - overweight, ugly curly red hair and zillions of freckles, kissed like a frog (or what I imagine a frog would kiss like). Had a really fun personality though. Until he got this 20 yr. pregnant and married her.

Eddie - oh my gosh - quite the opposite of Joel. Tall, dark and very handsome. Dark personality. Wanted a Stepford girlfriend.

Carl - my 'first'. Still oh so cute and charming but just a terrible spoiled brat. He never married and lives with his mom in our hometown.

Hey, I think I better stop now...
lol but this is really great as when I do reminisce, it sure makes me more appreciative of the guy I married almost 14 years ago.

LOVE the leather jacket story - gotta go back and re-read the others better now.

Modern Hippie said...

my bad boyfriend story. i overlooked it before!! james: the first note he ever wrote me said "hey kyle", and it wasnt a mis-spell, he didnt know how to spell my name. he broke up with me over 14 times and we never "lasted" longer than a month. what was i ever thinking?

Lynnie said...

Jo, looking at the picture of your Bad Boyfriend by the water, I started thinking that he reminded me of someone.

Since I can't see his eyes, I'm pretending that he's wearing sunglasses. And if he had longer hair, I bet that he would look a lot like Sawyer, the Ultimate Bad (but Yummy) Boy . . .

Lynnie said...

Oh yeah, he'd need a good growth of unshaven face, too, to REALLY look like Sawyer . . . LOL

But in that picture, there's just something about his attitude that comes through all Sawyer-like . . .

jojo cucina cucina said...

lolol....he is truly cuter than the photo when he is smiling, but i SO do NOT see Sawyer in him, Lynnie. Don't i wish. If he did look like Sawyer I probably wouldn't have cared if there was a monsoon going on and he didn't give me his stupid leather jacket. I would have gladly watched a TRIPLE header! ;)

I LOVE your story about the motorcycle on the freeway. And Chet just sounds like trouble. Good thing he didn't last.

Grits, your stories are great too! Eric! What a winner.

susieatl, YOU SOLD HIS CAR???? Why didn't i think of that? This Bad Boyfriend in the photo above had a treasured MJB car that he never took out unless the sun was shining. Actually now that i think aobut it i don't believe i ever got to ride in it. It was green. And i did like MJB cars because it goes along with my Lifeguard Story, which will be another blog post come summer. (don't most of us have a lifeguard story too?)

Ms. Kylee. Of course you know how i felt about James when i first met him. ;) And remember you can't marry a guy unless he passes the aunt jo test! LOL.

Sam, lucky you to not have a Bad Boyfriend story!

IslandPearl said...

Ohhh lynnie, baby girl. Get your glasses checked. This dude may be good looking, but a full 8-pack short of coming anywhere near MY Sawyer.

Lynnie said...

Maybe I made the association because he was sitting by water. . . this morning I can see that you are right ~~~ he is SOOOO NOT SAWYER!

Apparently I was not in my right mind from having my teeth drilled on yesterday (3 fillings replaced ~~~ ouch!)

OT rant coming up: I had a tooth that grew in sideways, and it had a filling that needed to be replaced. The tooth was perfectly straight and just as long as all of the others ~~~ all in a straight line.

For some reason, my dentist (not the same one who did the original filling) decided to smooth away the sideways dent in the tooth, which makes it now have a Romanesque arch, like an arched window in the tooth with a point at the side that looks like a mini-fang. It is now much shorter than it was, and its cute dimple is gone. I'm plenty pizzed at my dentist, because now I need to have it capped to make it look like a whole tooth again.

Now I'm researching cosmetic dentists in our area, because I sure don't trust "Drill-happy" to do the fixing . . .

KatKit13 said...

Oh I had one bad boyfriend story, well, okay 2. But the one that was really bad was abusive. He was self centered, rude, treated his momma bad (there shoulda been a giant red flag). It was in my I- was-so-naive-I-was-not-just-stupid,-I-was-totally-moronic" days.

Susie, you sold his car? Absofreakingbrilliant!!

susieatl said...

Yep...and in a small town with lots of rednecks. I gave out his address and phone number.

He was woken up at 7 (he was a late night d.j.) He was NOT amused. I thought it was funny.

jojo cucina cucina said...

KatKit, nobody wants a Mama's Boy that's for sure, but it is imperative that they treat their mamma well!

susieatl, i'm still laughing. OK, i'm sick of seeing that stingy ass ex at the top. I think i will shrink him down too. It'll match other parts of his anatomy.

jojo cucina cucina said...

Much better! And now i just hit #25! time for a new blog.

jojo cucina cucina said...

I mean new POST, of course.

Cat said...


Cat said...

I am laughing so hard at all the bad ex-boyfriend stories!!! Susie, you SOLD HIS CAR??? That's awesome! Grits, you know the pot grower is probably a millionaire now.....Jo, love the pic of the ex.....I can see how that body would make you sit in the rain for a bit...but not giving you his jacket....loser!

I have too many bad ones to count, none that are that entertaining to relate. In high school, the guy that I thought I was FATED TO BE WITH (you know that school girl crush thing where you just know destiny will bring you two together?) - anyhow, he cheated on me (which for me in HS meant kissing) with one of my best friends. I was madder at her than him, so my first year of college I devotedly wrote him letters and wooed him back - then thought I was "in love" again. We met in Kansas City for a weekend, both thinking we were destined for marriage, etc, both caught up in the love letters (this was before email, when the power of a letter made your heart trip) and it was the most disastrous weekend, in EVERY way. He made me listen to some fundamentalist preacher on cassette tape for hours in his car (Ramesh Richards or something like that) and while he was gorgeous, he was completely selfish in bed. We were incompatible in most every way possible, but because we sort of "thought" we should be together, we had overlooked things. We parted knowing it was over, and ONE MONTH LATER he was engaged to his college sweetheart (I guess that weekend was an "audition" I must have failed) - he was very ready to be married at the time! The funny part was when I compared notes with the friend he had cheated with and found out he had made her listen to the same cassette tape and used basically the same moves on her as he had on me. It's good that he got married young because he apparently didn't come up with original material on his dates.

~Cat, who is still "better single than sorry."

jojo cucina cucina said...

CAT, you certainly dodged a bullet on that one. The cassette tape is a HUGE flag! lol.

Anonymous said...

Wow, what a great website! I just had a bad boyfriend, and I don't feel so bad after reading your stories:)

Anonymous said...

I just had a bad boyfriend. My first boyfriend as it happens. It started out really well. I thought i was really happy. But there were some earily warning signs,like he wouldn't let me pay for anything ( even when i had more money than him)He had some really weird mood swings. He would say he'd call me, and would forget and have an hour long conversation with his best girl friend.
In the start we would see each other evreyday and then without warning he started ignoring me and acting as if i didn't exist, he wouldn't even kiss me.
So i dumped him and said we should stay away from each other for a while.
The next day he said we needed to talk and that we shouldn't see each other anymore. Even though i had alredy dumped him?

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

The day we started dating, we went out for a nice walk, nice weather, nice place... but when we got home, he told me that he was talking to his childhood friend about how he enjoyed being with me, and how i told him that i was tempted to hold his hands. may not seem to be such a big deal, but i wanted to keep that between us, and then they confessed to each other that they have always felt something for the other. Yhup. On the same day. i dont know why i only realize this one year into the relationship. Don't people usually start dating after they confess to each other?

jojo cucina cucina said...

Hey Anonymous! Are you checking back here? I see thst you posted only days ago it's been awhile since someone posted..but oddly enough this is THE most viewed blog post of all time. The stats show that a few people everday look at it so now i revisit from time to time hoping someone posted a story snd there you are!

jojo cucina cucina said...

I never saw the other anpnymous person from dec 2010 because i wssn't thinking anyone was commenting on old blog posts. If anyone is reading i do hope you will add your bad boyfriend/girlfriend story. I will keep checking to see!

jojo cucina cucina said...

Here i am looking again for Bad Boyfriend stories because stats tell me that is the viewed bog post for the month.

Anonymous said...

Okay I just thought I would share mine, I had a live in boyfriend for three years fresh out of college, you know the days where the world is still new and exciting and I was oh so naive. He went out every friday night without me, because I worked saturdays and was pretty particular about being ready for work. He kept coming home later and later, but remember I was naive so I thought nothing about it. Until my 22nd birthday when I decided to have a big get together, I had friends and family all come to the house and since we were drinking a lot of people stayed the night. I go to bed early (2am, not really that early) and he stays up for a bit, fine by me. So I wake up the next morning and imagine my surprise when he isn't there, so I look around the house and assume that he passed out on a couch, and I find him in the basement, not thinking anything of it. So he wakes up, everything is good, super affectionate as its now my real birthday, hands over my present (a beautiful and expensive watch) and tells me how much he loves me and cant wait to take the next step (marriage). A couple of the guests stayed for my actual birthday and I'm using my cousins phone as mine had died, low and behold a text message comes in that keeps interrupting my phone call, so I go to click ignore and what do I find, a text from my cousins friends asking how my boyfriend was in bed(it should be said that my cousin just turned 20 and is a good 100 pounds heavier than me not that that matters). Turns out they had slept together early that morning (my birthday) in the room right next to mine, and he pretended nothing happened at all, many more things would be found out through this but I still cant beleive it!

jojo cucina cucina said...

Whoah.... Anonymous. i am just now reading this March 15. I forget to come back and look at these older blog posts of mine, but since this has ALWAYS been the most popular post i come back from time to time and read your story. That is worse than my leather coat story. Do you have to spend Thanksgiving holidays with that cousin?

Jon said...
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