An old fashioned random thoughts posting. I'm only drinking water. Maybe this will only end up being a draft since i get kind of bored writing the blog without wine! Listening to a Gillian Welch cd - the one with "Miss Ohio" on it. Kind of nice for a dark rainy early evening.
1. A year ago we elected what i now refer to President Cuckfunt - (the two worst cuss words i can think of). It's kind of funny reading my Facebook Memory posts from last year. I had so much hope until the end. (I can also tell when i opened that other bottle of wine because i planned on staying up!)
2. We survived a year! And today some good Democrats unseated some Republicans that i hope is a promise of things to come. If only the Democrats don't fuck it up.
3. The Vegas shooting happened the same day when we heard about Tom Petty's death. And just this week there was another mass shooting in a church in Texas that left 26 dead, many of them children.
So we're not safe in a concert. We're not safe in a school. We're not safe in a movie theater. We're not safe in a shopping mall. We're not even safe in church!
I'm already a homebody enough and don't need another reason to become a full on agoraphobic. Oh the news. ...I just wish... i don't know what i wish. I think i wish we went back to news at 6 pm and again at 10 or 11 pm and forget about the 24 hour news cable channels. Maybe the mass shootings might not become so 'normal'. Just another day in America.
4. When will people start to understand that prayers don't work and that laws might be a better start? I am sick to death of people and their prayers and 'thoughts for the families' on Facebook.
5. What is prayer anyway? Billions and billions of prayers are said every day! Why aren't they working? I might go to hell for this (though i don't believe in an actual Hell) but i don't think God is listening anymore, if He ever did.
6. I believe His agenda is already made and what's going to happen is going to happen according to His plan, regardless. Here's what else i believe: Heaven and Hell are lived on this planet. On Earth. And that's why shit happens. Because how can you have a heaven?.... where your life is all hunky-dory (maybe even when you don't deserve it) if there isn't some terrible stuff around to remind you that you have it pretty good. I don't like what that says about innocent people in this life having a hard time - because that means they are in Hell i guess, paying for a different life. But that's kind of what i believe...in a nutshell. AND if you aren't so nice in your New Heaven, you're going to pay in the next life too. (Otherwise what's the point of being a good person?)
7. I don't believe prayer changes anything. And why do we think God is paying more attention to America than anywhere else? ("God Bless America" signs make me crazy.) And i get a kick out of football players praying for a football game while little kids die in cancer wards. Why would a prayer go unanswered for a child to live - but yet another asked to win a Super Bowl, is answered?
I say only one prayer, and that prayer is thank you.
8. I said thank you when my brother and nephew didn't fall completely apart (as i feared) when my nephew Josh killed himself. I said thank you when both of my brothers were unemployed for awhile and it was looking bleak around 2008 and 2009. I say thank you every day that my father stays alive so it's less years that I will have to take care of my difficult mom. I said thank you when there were some health scares with me and my family. And so when/if Congress gets something done about guns I will say thank you then too. But until then i don't expect God to make anything happen just because we ask Him too. He gave us brains and expects us be somewhat accountable. That's what i think.
9. If i were God i would have committed suicide a long time ago out of disappointment. I would also get us a new President! I actually would kind of love to go out and knock back chardonnays with God. (Not so sure about Jesus though. I don't think Jesus would like me as much as God would.)
10. Oh my, this is getting kind of weirdly dark. I think it's because i'm reading Joan Didion's book about the death of her husband and her daughter within a short period of time. It's called The Year of Magical Thinking. It's very well written. (If you have experienced a deep loss, i recommend this book.) I don't know why i've even reading it since i am not grieving, (maybe i'm doing homework for when i will need it later). What happened was a documentary on Rolling Stone I watched yesterday referred to it - Founder Jann Wenner tells Cameron Crowe (who was only 16 at the time and writing for RS) that he needed to read Didion to see how to really write and immerse soul into the story. I had heard of Didion but his description of writing intrigued me. So i decided to check her out of the library. (Only i couldn't get the book Webber recommended - i think called Slouching Toward Bethlehem, so I opted for Magical Thinking.)
11. That documentary, by the way, is called Rolling Stone: Stories from the Edge. It's really good. On HBO in two parts.
12. I have to quit writing now because my iPad isn't good for blogging a new post. It flickers to the top and bottom and i can't really see what i am writing. Maybe it's a default in there so i don't write too much? (I will have to go back and correct on the desktop, which i rarely use anymore.)
13. I'll sign off with this. And not just because Thanksgiving is coming up . (Though i probably won't get back here until after.) Thank you God. I have a really really nice life, a husband whom i love and who loves me, a good man i probably don't deserve because he is much nicer than i am....a nephew who calls me to shoot the shit about twice a week about just stuff and who has two little kids i love who are like surrogate grandchildren......my brothers, all of my nieces and nephews who made it easier for me to choose to be a Non-Mom....my friends, (but not TOO many because i hate being in demand ;).....my health and the health of all the people i love, (with the exception of my mother in law alice, who is sadly continuing to fail)...a nice cozy home and enough money to live comfortably.
Happy Thanksgiving. A little early.
