10 Reasons I Never Wanted to Have Children:

Me with Brady - T-Day 2015

My Dad and Brady - T-day 2014

Brady with his Dad Brian, T-Day 2015

First off, let me say that i actually really really like kids. I'll admit newborn babies bore the shit out of me plus i'm always afraid i will break their neck when their parents insist i hold them. But once they get about 3 months old and smile at me I start to come around. I especially like kids when they get to be about 18 months and start talking and understanding so i have to start being sure not to say "fuck".

It's no secret I am nuts about my great nephew Brady, who turned 2 years old October 15.

Brady is the first son of my brother's first son Brian. Because Brady doesn't have a grandmother around Brian let me know before Brady was ever born that they were hoping I would step up in the surrogate grandma role. I laughed it off at the time and reminded him that i didn't have children for a reason. But once Brady was born and got past that fragile stage I got to where i was missing seeing him if two weeks went by. I would call THEM to babysit. I babysit about 3 times a month, at least twice and after a couple of weeks i am amazed at how much he learns in that short time. (I'm doing pretty good, haven't slipped up and said 'fuck' once!)

Having said all this, i do not regret having children of my own. Not once have i ever entertained having a baby in a real way. Here's why:

1. Being a mom means more contact with family and i don't want more contact with my mom than i already have had. I call my mom Two Drink Minimum for a reason and if I had a baby i would probably be in rehab right now because she would have been in my life more often than she has been.

2. Alone time has always been a huge thing for me, ever since i can remember past the age of the time i played with Barbies. Maybe because i rarely got it since my 6 member family lived in base housing that was mostly less than 1200 square feet and i always shared a room.

3. When would i be able to read? I can't imagine not having time to read books. This might be more important to me than even #1.

4. I would rather have a colonoscopy every week than be pregnant. Not to mention giving birth.

And let me just lump this here too with #4: the idea of breast feeding always kind of creeped me out. I think it's because i have this total need to NOT BE IN DEMAND. I do not mind women breastfeeding, (UNLESS you are a militant breast feeder and trying to make a point....for example i saw a woman in Nordstrom's Cafe once letting it all hang out while she breastfed across from a woman i took to be her mom. It just pissed me off. There i said it. Just cover up at least a little and i have no problem. )  The idea of that kind of demand is appalling to me. And don't even go there with pumping breasts.

5. I never got to go to college. So ignorant were my parents about college that i didn't even know about student loans. I got excellent grades in school and graduated with honors but slipped through the cracks because i went to three high schools. I would be kicking my kid's ass ever if i saved up my money to send my kid to college and they flunked out or didn't do anything with their degree.

6. I don't want to go to jail.

7. Vulnerability. OH MY GOD. i cannot think of anything that makes a person more vulnerable than having a child. And then people do this more than once? How are you parents all so brave? Seriously! I would be worried every freaking minute because i tend to be an overly cautious person about most everything. (Not to mention what stuff happens to them emotionally through bullying or what have you.) You cannot protect a child all the time. But i would want to. Seriously when i am babysitting Brady i am obsessively looking at the monitor (especially when he was a real baby) making sure he was sort of moving and breathing and i will admit to a few times charging up the stairs because i couldn't tell if he was.

8. What if, when they become adults, they marry someone you cannot stand? I know too well how a bad spouse can ruin a whole family. Christmas and Thanksgiving are screwed forever. Plus paying for weddings when i want to remodel my kitchen instead.

9. Even worse, what if you don't like your own kid? This is possible i know from personal experience because my mom didn't like me as a kid. She was totally jealous of me when i was a toddler because my Dad liked me so much. One time not long ago after one too many chardonnays she admitted this. That and the fact that she didn't get to go to France on my Dad's two year assignment because i got really sick when i was 2.

10. The final one? Because i like saying the word 'fuck".

Happy New Year and Other Random Shit.

Since I retired I have loved the holidays more than I used to. It's nice to have time to shop and wrap and decorate and cook. It's also nice to be able to just hang around the house in comfortable yoga pants, (the baggy ones, not the ones that fit), just looking at the tree drinking a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, depending on the time of day.

I like hanging out doing nothing probably more than I should. It's one of the reasons I didn't want a Fitbit tracker. I didn't really want to know that on my non-run days I barely log in 2000 steps towards my set 10,000 step goal....as I did on New Year's Day, since I watched three movies back to back.

I did get a new Garmin tracker for Xmas since I broke three Fitbit ones. So far, so good. I am not making any real NY's resolutions except to still continue working towards my goal of continuing running until I am 60 years old. (Pretty sure I'll make it now, since that day will come next year.) I am also going to try and not check in so much on Facebook. Right now it's rather boring to me anyway. Lots and lots of memes and jokes that I've already seen before. I do like some of the breaking news and photos (as long as it's not the 32nd photo of your grandbaby that week). But I am ill equipped to respond to posts about illnesses and tragedies and they seem to be more frequent this time of year, so I think it won't be that difficult to leave it alone more than I used to. (Plus I will be back at work at Soundview, my own job part time starting tomorrow) and will be working until April.

I keep thinking of what I want to spend that money on because I told myself I would not put it into savings this time because I really didn't want to go back to work. I bought Brian a new MacBook Pro for Xmas which totally surprised him so that took some of it. Had new bedstands made by a carpenter friend. And I bought an expensive pair of Cole Haan rider boots. But I can't think of what else I want off the top of my head. One of the benefits of living in a small place I guess. It keeps me from buying stuff since we have little storage. I am sure I will come up with something. Maybe I will have my kitchen cabinets refaced and painted again, though they don't look THAT bad right now.

I recently discovered David Foster Wallace because I watched a movie about him with Jason Siegel called The End of the Tour. Funny thing, when I ordered it I thought because it was about the Rolling Stone reporters time spent with DFW that when I ordered the Netflix DVD I thought it was the end of  a Rolling Stones tour because I read it too fast. Hahaha. A nice happy accident. Since then I have read his essays on Cruise ship vacations and state fairs and since I am not fond of either I found them both hilarious and accurate. DFW writes with a keen but kind insight I think. He makes fun without being mean. How does he do that? I had heard of him awhile ago because he had been written about in Rolling Stone magazine (the only magazine I still subscribe to now) and I knew he had committed suicide. It's interesting that a guy who can write with such humor would be so sad.

Also over the Christmas break I discovered all of the Girl with The Dragon Tattoo movies, I love the Swedish Lisbeth AND the American Lisbeth. Honestly couldn't choose one, though I did think the Swedish actor was maybe a little too pretty for the part. Just as Daniel Craig was a little too cool for his part of Mikel Bloomqvist. All good movies. I had read the first two books, but not the third.

Let's see what else ? I can write all I want now without worrying about length since this blog is pretty much dead. But here's the thing about it. Recently I needed to know a couple of things - for example, when did we buy our iMac desktop?....and I knew I had written about it here so I was able to figure it out. I like having some history where I know I can find it since my filing system at home for such things is not as organized as you might think a slightly OCD person would maintain. My OCDness is mostly saved for the outwardly appearances. What is behind closets and cabinet doors and out of sight does not bother me so much. Hence, terrible filing practices. (Probably has something to do with that it is too much like work).

Brian's band The Brian Feist Band is no longer together and we sort of knew that it was probably not going to last a year, which is fine with me. Brian still practices with his old band and is practicing jazz now with a sort of hybrid of the musicians from the BFB and the Blues Oasis.

We got a new Samsung smart tv which was finally delivered in late August (just in time for Seahawks) And it was like Christmas because we didn't have a decent tv because it took 9 months to get our media center with the rolling barn doors built by Erichsen Brothers. It was worth it though because it came out so beautiful and I love our TV and being able to stream Netflix and Amazon and YouTube. Now I just have to be sure I'm not spending my non-Facebook time watching TV .

Well this is about enough for a post. I discovered adult coloring this year and have some cool Prismacolor pencils that I received for Xmas, so I think I will go and do some of that. It really is cathartic. Almost, but not quite like Xanax. I think once the election kicks into full gear I will be doing even more coloring to keep myself sane.

My hopes for 2016: Seahawks go back to SuperBowl and win. Everyone in my family stays healthy. And a small one, I hope it snows!

My Favorite Coastal Beach Town: Manzanita!

Me... doing my favorite thing in my favorite house in my favorite beach town. 

Last October my husband and I took a four day trip to Manzanita Oregon, which is just south of Cannon Beach. We've vacationed in Cannon Beach many times but it always felt so crowded which is why we love Manzanita more. It's less touristy but still has everything I want: cute shops, good restaurants, a pub, two grocery stores, including a small Whole Foods, great pizza from Marzano's, a wine bar, even a golf course (though i don't golf). Oh... and the Cloud Leaf bookstore! Don't you just love when vacation towns have a bookstore? I always make a point to buy books while on vacation. On our last day the Bread and Ocean bakery next door to the bookstore served me the best latte I've ever had. Had I known earlier I would have been there every morning!

In Manzanita you come across folks of all ages, locals and tourists alike - cute construction/surfer guys with dreadlocks, families with young children, older couples stopping through on a long road trip. Everyone is so friendly. We had a great time watching the Seahawks/Panthers game (even though we ended up losing) sitting with fellow Washingtonians at the San Dune Pub. We always make it to the San Dune a couple of times when we visit and feel so welcomed.

On this trip we stayed at the Historic Reed House. The house recently went through an extensive remodel that took over a year. (I know because I followed it on Facebook.) It was worth the wait. This house could be on the HG Channel!

We already booked it for a whole week next October to stay with my brothers and their families.  I hope to make it an annual family get together.

I can't quite do justice to the Reed House with words alone or even photos. I did take many photos and here are some of my favorites. Later I can link a website here that show photos of the bedrooms (which are so nice!) too. I know it's cliche to say, but this place really feels like home away from home. (Ha! I say that even though we live in a little two bedroom condo. It's actually better!)

French doors from the main floor go outside to the wraparound deck. My husband is taking a photo of that amazing view.

Love these French doors to the wraparound deck

Moon shot from deck

View from the beach. Oops, just noticed i forgot to turn on one of the bedrooms lights! 

It's a big house! But here's the thing: it's not so big that you feel lost in it if you are just hanging out on the main floor. It's the right size whether you have two couples or eight couples. When you walk in right away you smell the new wood. The maple floors look original and are an important feature in the house. The owner is a designer and she did a fantastic job blending the old with the new, which lends to retaining the history and character and warmth of this home even with all its modern conveniences. At first I focused so much on the view and the main floor that it took me a couple of days before i noticed everything: a vintage phone booth (the phone works too!); schoolhouse lighting; a custom made rolling barn door to the master bathroom; three vintage movie theater seats in the upstairs TV room; farmhouse sinks and so much more.

Vacation Feet! I always take a photo of my feet. 

I love the eclectic furniture and sitting areas. They are comfortable too! 

Living room - you can't quite see how great that ocean view is from this photo. All of those windows open and have screens, the better to hear the ocean.  

I wish i had taken a better photo of this kitchen. I like cooking. This is my favorite vacation kitchen. Two dishwashers! Two ovens! And that fabulous kitchen island. (Can't wait to cook dinner here with my brother next year.) 

There are lost of interesting pieces of furniture and colorful rugs which make this large room feel so cozy and warm. 

My favorite little sitting corner.

The best equipped kitchen ever. Thanksgiving would be great here!

The photo doesn't show how large this master is. Best thing - the mattress was super comfortable and it's a king bed! 

This was taken downstairs where there is a pool table, ping pong table, living area and more bedrooms and a bathroom. I liked the look of this photo and those custom closet doors.

Taken on the walk back down the main street from the San Dune pub

Here are some town shots I took with my other little Coolpix camera when i went for a run. (I wished I had the nerve to ask the one cute dreadlocked guy with the surfboard on the top of his truck and the tools in the bed of it if I could take his photo.)

I'm sure this guy must be from out of state! 

I always get a kick out of folks taking photos with their iPad. With my increasingly bad eyes, i get it! 

Safety first! 

The end of the town's main street leads right to the beach.

There are so many cool houses in the little town. I really liked this red door and planter. 

The beach goes for miles. I ran every day on it while i was there.

Stay tuned.

 New fall season coming in September. I haven't given up blogging, just decided to take a hiatus. I actually keep coming up with ideas to write about but usually just post some on Facebook instead because I like reading the comments and I think blogging is not exactly a summer sport.

"What do you do?"

I was prompted to write about this subject because a friend on Facebook posted an article about this very thing. He added that he hated when someone asked him "What do you do?" when he met them, being a job.

This question can be a real conversation killer and shuts it all down before it can ever get started. I have to admit that i too do not like this question when someone asks me upon meeting. I also hate even more, the question "Where did you go to college?" The reason being for that one is because i did NOT go to college. (At least I've always had a job before.)

As far as the What Do You Do question, i always answered that i was a union secretary. I always emphasized the word 'secretary' because i never bought in to 'administrative assistant' sounding better. While i get why flight attendants don't want to be referred to as 'stewardesses' i never understood the aversion to the term 'secretary'. However, it is not a glamorous job and certainly working for a union isn't going to make folks admire you as they would....say a civil rights attorney, or a NASA engineer, or a Medivac pilot (something i used to like to introduce myself as when asked this question of strangers, though as a joke - i would own up to it later).

Sometimes i think i hate this question because often people will ask it because they want to tell YOU about where they work. Or they simply don't care enough and this is the most original small talk they are able to come up with.

Because my second ex-husband liked to pretend he had money and hung out with some fairly wealthy people, we were often at some hoity toity peoples' parties which i dreaded so much because i never knew what to wear and had no friend among the women to ask.  I detested most of the people on sight for the simple reason that I was 10 years younger, insecure at these events, and had nothing in common with them. Especially politically.  And I am not kidding when i say i ducked the racist comments (of which i am not proud of now).

Real estate developers, designers who owned their own business, restaurant owners, etc. and lived in big homes in Gig Harbor or somewhere else on the water were in attendance.  I was working as a waitress in a sports tavern and at the school district in the accounting office at the time.  A wife of one of those moguls (is that the right word?) asked me where i worked and i answered the school accounting office and she responded with "Oh, that sounds boring."  But you know what? I bet she is divorced now and i have a better credit rating than she does! I don't even think she had a job. (But she had new boobs, THAT i do remember.) Truth is, she was right. It was boring. That's why i got the union job! lol.

What do you do? I do my best. That's what I'm going to start answering.

18 Things I Think About While Doing Yoga

I actually have a better chance of being a professional football player than i do of ever becoming a 'yogi', but that doesn't mean I’ve given up!

This is my 4^th week – I’m working on going Monday, Wednesdays Fridays. So far, so good... at least for attendance and commitment.

I’m liking how I feel in the morning, but I doubt that I will ever get into the Namaste-ness of it at all.

Here is what I thinking about yesterday when I was supposed to be "letting go of my pain and struggles in our lives” which is how our Wednesday instructor always gets us started.  

1. I can't believe i bought a bottle of olive oil that was only 8.4 ounces and cost $34! (When i got it home I also noticed that the expiration was 2-2-2014.)

2. That must be some pretty fucking awesome olive oil...

3. Shit, at $4 an ounce that would make any salad I made cost about $12 a serving!  (Maybe $15 if I use yellow peppers and avocado and pine nuts.) 

4. I need to return that olive oil. Hope I still have the receipt. 

5. I wonder if the owner of the shop who sold me the very jar I bought is mad at me and did this on purpose? 

6. Naw, she is not passive aggressive like that. She's a nice person. And i always write checks there and they never bounce. 

7. Dammit, I wish this instructor would quit constantly telling us when to inhale and exhale. Wow, but some people are exhaling SO hard. I wonder if anyone has ever collapsed from a heart attack in yoga? 

8. Is our instructor gay?

9. Oh God, I hate how my butt looks in this mirror when doing downward facing dog or forward fold.  I don't think even Giselle would want to look at her ass in yoga pants from behind.

10. Oh how I love to hate Giselle and her cheating husband Tom Brady.

11. I shouldn’t be thinking about hating on celebrities while doing yoga.

12. I really HATE downward facing dog. Can't wait to get to corpse pose.

13. Who comes up with these yoga terms anyway? Doesn't 'corpse pose' seem incongruent to yoga?

14. Am I using 'incongruent' correctly?

15. Oh crap, how did i get that bruise near my ankle? I hope it clears up before the wedding next weekend because it will show. and what's this one on my forearm? 

16. I am going to quit taking those baby aspirin in the summer. 

17. Ohhhh, FINALLY…. corpse pose. Love it. 

18. I really need to get my own mat. 

Note to Self: 

Longest plank: 3 minutes

Longest run this week: It will be todaywhen i run 5 miles to pick up my car which needed a new battery and alternator

Temperature: yesterday it was 80 degrees! First time putting on our air conditioner and it's not even June 1st

Book: You Couldn't Ignore Me if You Tried - about John Hughes and Cameron Crowe movies. Also loved The Splendid Things We Planned

Movie: Can't recommend high enough: Short Term - it's on the list of 23 Netflix Movies You Haven't Seen. 

Hillary... Grey's Anatomy...My Favorite Baby... A random jocucina post....

My Favorite Baby.

1. I have lost a bit of my mojo for politics since those Gumbo days. Part of the reason is because my activism comes out when i am totally against something (as in the Iraq war and Bush/Cheney regime) and i didn't have as much reason with my choice of president in the last few years.

Having said this, i do admit i like presidential politics when it's all new again. So i might get my mojo back. And the reason i might get it back is because Bernie Sanders is running against Hillary Clinton for the Democrat nomination. I don't think he has a chance in winning any more than i have a chance in being the next Pulitzer Prize winning author. HOWEVER, i like that he is in the game. He will make Hillary a better candidate.

2. I am making no promises to work on Hillary's campaign, but if we are stuck with Rand Paul and Ted Cruz i am totally in.

3. Re: the photo above.  My Favorite Baby. This is my favorite nephew's boy. Baby Brady.  I never had this urge to have children, even as i loved being around kids. I am so thankful that i have a way to be a surrogate grandmother in my life right now. I am in love with this little guy. And what is so cute is my husband is a drummer in a really good band and is living his dream. We talk about how he will teach Brady how to play someday if that's what Baby Brady wants.

4. I used to watch Grey's Anatomy .... When i first heard about it, i Netflixed the first season and binge watched about 4 or 5 episodes during the mornings of my vacation time in summer. I quit watching about two seasons ago right before Dr. Yang (Sandra Oh) left because i felt it 'jumped the shark' about 5 or 6 time  by that time and that was my limit. But two weeks ago they killed off McDreamy Derek, THE main character. So i've watched those last two episodes. And it got me thinking about how i would cope if I lost Brian in an accident like that. Meredith, the wife character ran away from it all, from her job, from her friends, from her home....and i sort of got that. I think i might do that too if it happened to me. Though i might have a friend come with me when i do it. I would have louie/Sarah and my sister in law Marie (Kylee/Modern Hippie's mom) come with me if that happened if their husbands wouldn't mind.

5. The reason i say this is because too often the grieving person ends up being the comforting person to the friend/family/co-worker/casual acquaintance person. (Don't we all know these folks? If you have a story about this you should vent it here!)  That so pisses me off when people think they need to cry to show you how much they care.

6. Yoga Update: I have been 6 times to yoga since i last posted. OMG, it was hard that first time, and it is still not easy, but i'm getting into a groove and rhythm. I think this is going to be a habit like running. I will not likely get the breathing down. I will probably ALWAYS open my eyes and look around, and i am pretty damn sure i will never clear my mind, especially if the teacher is so off base that he thinks the Beatles performed the 'Turn, Turn, Turn' song. But i love how it makes me stretch and work my muscles.

Namaste, jojo