You won't see me doing this...

You will never see one of these on jojo's car

... reading books by these authors: 
1. Nicholas Sparks
2. Dean Koontz
3. The Shack writer

... watching movies that stars these actors: 
1. Nicholas Cage
2. Nicole Kidman (though i like some of hers - i could put Diane Keaton here too. I used to love her back in the Annie Hall times. Now she just seems neurotic to me. and i don't like neurotic.)
3. Chuck Norris

(funny, i have three Nicks in the above)

... eating these foods:
1. canned beets
2. ham, the kind my mom used to make with the canned pineapple slices and where the meat looked fleshy, like human skin
3. any casserole with cream of mushroom soup

...getting into these conversations:
1. The death penalty
2. Abortion
3. Militant Breast feeding rights

...listening to music by this artist:
1. Taylor Swift
2. Justin Bieber
3. Michael Buble'

...saying these words:
1. I am so sure that you give 110% on the job!
2. No thank you, I don't want another glass of wine.
3. I don't blame you for not voting! 

...wearing this:
1. ski gear
2. a fanny pack
3. Mom jeans

...putting this on my car: 
1. One of those Christian fish symbols
2. a decal memorial to my loved ones in the rear window
3. a "Support Our Troops" ribbon (I want one that says "I Support Some of Our Troops"

...watching this TV show: 
1. Real Housewives
2. Donald Trump's show (i forget the name - The Apprentice?)
3. Dancing with the Stars

...decorating my house with these: 
1. photo collages
2. dried flowers
3. oak furniture


Lists like these are fun, so come on and add your own! OR make up your own things you won't do so we can add to them!


Notes to Self:                                                                                                 
All time blog posts: 43,073
Yesterday views: 46
Longest run this week: 1 hour, 45 minutes on Saturday
Weather forecast: It's going to be amazing!
Shout out: Amanda!

• Thursday: 73 degrees, sunnny
• Friday: 70
• Saturday 77
• Sunday: 74
• Monday: 75

We rarely get these kind of temperature in a row in the summer!

Stuff that is disappointing.

Don't say i didn't warn you when you log into www.thugkitchen.com

Menu of the Day:

In my glass: my new favorite wine. A roussanne from Writer's Block. Which seems so appropriate right now because i have no idea what i am going to add here and that means it will probably be a sucky post cause i haven't enough wine  to make it fun.

Yeah i know: It's only Wednesday and i am drinking wine. On a school night. (Like i never do that anyway.) But after dragging butt for the past two weeks with walking pneumonia (which only means that you feel like crap, but you still need to get your ass to work) i have some time to make up because i missed some weekend wine when i felt really draggy. Oh, and this wine is delicious.

Hmmm: You know that is a word i rarely use: delicious. It just sounds phony when i say it. Like if i were to say 'lovely' to describe something pretty, or 'darling' when talking to my husband. (Does ANYONE but 1950's actresses say 'darling' anymore?)

One thing i used to hate is a few years ago when people referred to EVERYONE as Dude, no matter what the gender. I like the word 'dude' and i use it too, but only when referring to men. It sounds so stupid when everyone is a dude and it reminds me of my military bratdom years and how the military always answered the phone as if a 'Sir' was calling.

Music: The Decemberists The King is Dead release. I really like this cd alot!

My newest find: www.thugkitchen.com
Click that link above to get there. Thanks to louielouie who told me about it from one of her most irreverent niece. Check it out in case you missed it on Facebook. This website got a Best New Blog from some Saveur cooking group that holds elections on cooking blogs. The subtitle of Thug Kitchen is "Eat Like You Give Fuck" ... So i have to put up the disclaimer that this blog is not for sissies. (But i don't think any followers here are sissies.) The f-word is used as liberally on this healthy cooking blog in the same way that Paula Deen uses butter in her recipes.

My darling husband already made those sweet potato tacos and they were....delicious! hahaha. Also they were lovely in the photograph that Brian put up on Facebook.

OK, that's enough of the Menu, let's get on with the disappointments. I know y'all have some too. So get your ass here and tell me yours so i don't always feel like i'm the only one with these issues.

hahaha... i think i'm going to start channeling Thug Kitchen dude and see if i can get voted Best Blog of Snark.

***********************************

1. Congress. F*CKING Damn Senate and the gun control vote.  Can't they do at least something? Anything?  I thought maybe it would happen after the Newtown shootings. But you watch, there will be way way more laws and some restrictions as a result of the Boston Marathon bombings. We don't mind if our own people shoot us up, but we don't like it too much when they might come here from another country and especially if they are Muslim. As if being Muslim is the reason it happened. Ok, that's all i'm going to say on the politics of gun control.

2. Except this: I actually am not anti-gun. In fact, i often think i would like to own one and learn to use it. I'm not talking of course automatic weapon. I still like the idea of archery as i have for years now...yeah even before Hunger Games. I have to find that coupon for those lessons Brian got me for Christmas years ago. Now i want to learn how to use a crossbow after watching Darrel on The Walking Dead!

3. When i watch Walking Dead on TV i have to admit that shooting at scary zombies who move slow looks kind of fun.

4. Ok, but i digress. I get ...not disappointed ...as much as irritated...when Americans get overly dramatic about tragedies in our country. How nice of folks to want to raise money to buy a new boat for the guy whose boat got shot up because the bomber was hiding in it. HELLOOOOOOO..... !  That Allstate actor black dude with second coolest voice in the world behind Morgan Freeman and the weirdo Progressive chick with the bumpit in her hair are already duking it out over which insurance company is going to cover his boat, even if he doesn't insure with them!  (I vote that the Progressive Chick wins.)

So this over-outpouring of wanting to help kind of makes me sick. Like the boat guy told the news: i lost a boat, some folks lost limbs. He didn't want the money. And he won't need it.

5. Americans are so ready to make heroes out of the smallest shit and at the same time tear down teachers and unions.

6. I am pretty fucking sure that i would call the cops too if i saw a bloody guy in my boat and so would you. So this does not make the guy a hero. The cops are the heroes.

7. I am disappointed that i am getting older. I actually was feeling sort of immortal there for awhile with all my running. I had this idea that i might be able to do a half-marathon each year until i am 60 years old. But i don't think it's going to happen. This has been a harder training this year. Everything hurts. Not terribly, but enough to remind me i'm no spring chicken.

I really liked being a spring chicken.

8. I have to wait MONTHS until Season 3 of The Walking Dead comes out. We just finished Season 2's DVD set this week and i can't stand having to wait until Netflix adds 3.

9. iTunes Recommendations for You. I haven't bought one of there recs for awhile now. Right now the only one they got right is Jackson Browne Hold Out. But i already own it. (Best song on there: Call it a Loan). And BTW...just why in the hell doesn't iTunes not know that i already have this in my library? Seems like they already know i'm older cause that's all the recommend, Carole King, James Taylor, Pink Floyd.... EVEN as i am playing The Decemberists as we speak.

10. I am disappointed that more of you don't come here and tell me what disappoints you!


Notes to Self: 
High Temp: 69 degrees. (it was a most beautiful day today!)
All time blog posts: 42,898
Yesterday views: 23
Longest Run this week: 1 hour 15 minutes (today)
Shout out: TxGrits. i miss you.

Fix your hair, you cruddy bitch!" (edited to add my new favorite commercial!)

Our office has a huge parking lot in front and yesterday i walked across it to drop some bills in the mail. At the stoplight right near our office a 20-something looking woman leaned way out of the passenger side of her car and yelled this at me VERY loudly.

"Fix your hair, you cruddy bitch!"

It WAS kind of windy and my hair had blown right in front of my face just before she yelled at me. But otherwise my hair style was not worse than normal. (Which is to say it's not great , but not bad enough for someone to yell at me.)

I didn't do a thing but look straight at her as I walked back across the parking lot to the office as the car drove off when the light turned green.

But I thought it was the funniest strange thing to happen to me in a long time. And it occured to me that the young woman might likely be mentally ill.

The only reason i base this on is her use of the word 'cruddy'. Most normal people would say 'fucking bitch', not 'cruddy bitch'.

That same night was my bowling night and i told the story. And one of our bowling buddies who i just love is a defense attorney with his own practice (very laid back and informal and cool, sort of not how you think a defense attorney would be) He listened closely to me as i told this story and then he leaned in to me and said,  "I have just three questions."

#1. Were you offended?  (My answer was no because i really wasn't. It did not even occur to me to flip her off.)
#2. Do you think she might have been mentally ill? (YES, i replied.)
#3. Just what DID your hair look like?

hahahaha....

Does anyone else have a similar strange story about a stranger who did something to you?

Menu of the Day...First Course: Antihistamine

Menu of the Day: 

First entree on the menu:  A double dosage of antihistamine. God i love trees, but i hate them this time of year. (I blame global warming!) I am posting under the influence of these drugs and i feel foggy. Not quite the same as posting after chardonnay, but i needed to change the blog.

iTunes: The new Ben Harper cd. I love this cd. He's playing with some white guy named Charlie Musselwhite.  Best song: Get Up! (The same as the title of the release.)

Confusion: What the hell are we supposed to call music these days anyway? They are no longer cds, they aren't albums. What are they anyway? I still call them cds or albums.

Earlier Attempt: I tried to start a blog post about louies and my Anti-Self Help Book. Chapter 2. How to Get People to Feel Sorry for You

What i learned: Writing an Anti-Self Help book is harder than it seems. I realize i just like coming up with the titles. I don't know what to come up with the content. Maybe it's the drugs, but i can't make this funny right now. I might try later. (It's saved in draft at least.)

What I am procrastinating about: Grocery shopping.... I have to make an hors d'voures (does anyone ever get the spelling of that correctly?) for a wine tasting tomorrow night and i have no idea what i'm doing.

Great Book: I am reading The Interestings by Meg Wolitzer and i can already tell this is going to be my very favorite book all year. It's spans four generations, (the very ones i have lived in from 1974 to current time, the characters are the same age.)

In one chapter one of the characters complains in a Christmas letter about e-book readers letting you know the percentage of the book read instead of the number of the pages.

And then the author of the Christmas letter writing character added a part that reminded me of what louielouie would say about that:  "And he thought this was 92% stupid".

I HATE that too about the e-readers!  Don't you just love when something annoys you and you read about how it annoys others too?

Why i mention this: I LOVE credence! I love it so much that i think i would have name one of my kids Credence....(assuming i got over my young years of naming them Harmony and Roman) And see? it doesn't matter if they are are girl or boy!  (I always loved that John Mellencamp named one of his daughters Justice.)

The Best Thing That Happened This Week: I can't think of anything. And in fact while thinking about this i took the time to format this blog piece, thinking something might occur. But nothing comes to me.  I'm leaving it here on the chance that y'all have some cool stuff to say about your week.

Redundancy: That was way too many versions of the word 'think' just now, (written above). Probably because i can't.

What surprised me about myself: I LOVE The Walking Dead series. I bought Season 1 & 2 for Brian for Christmas because he loves stuff like vampires and monsters and zombies. I did not expect that i would too get hooked on these characters in the show. It's similar to Lost actually, without the hidden messages. (Or maybe there are some and i just don't catch them, which would not be unusual because i am terrible with symbolism and metaphors and poetry. Just tell me what you mean already!) Anyway the zombies are sort of like the Others. I get why there is so much hype over this.

louieloue, why don't you take over? I'm not feeling it.

You're in Cannon Beach and have some time. I'm sure you are checking in even on vacation. Because after all My Blog is a Wonderland.... lol...i think i thought of that because Kylee was telling me how excited she was to see John Mayer. (I don't like him so much myself because i think he is an asshole at heart. (I, of course, know this because i have a Rolling Stone subscription.)

I just read that above and feel like i must be high. So i'm signing off.

 I think i'll go and post on Facebook about how crappy i feel which is How To Get PeopleTo Feel Sorry for You.

More Stuff I Distrust. With Disclaimers.

The only person i trust
 who doesn't cuss.

Click here


Above is the link to a forgotten blog post from Feb. 2010 blog post that i was recently re-reading because i could see from the stats it had some views. I think it's pretty funny and i thought it was a subject revisiting. So let's do this.

1. I'm not sure i believe the low key attention to North Korea's threats. Can those missiles really reach us? I'm not comforted by Seth Myer's joke on Weekend Update about the missile and his warning.... "to the middle of the ocean". We live right near Ft. Lewis military base.

Disclaimer:
I do trust that something is being done to make sure this doesn't happen, only we aren't being told.



2. This might be redundant from the link above, i can't remember...but i distrust people who NEVER cuss. My sister in law on my husband's side when she wants to say something bad to someone uses this phrase: 'poop on you'. I think that is far worse than 'fuck you'. I HATE the word or image of poop. I hate the image of most people, (not all people...but most...you know who i mean....) having sex too, but i never equate the f-word with that anyway, do you?

Disclaimer: 
However, i hate when people use the f-word constantly. We have a union president in our office who is f-ing this and f-ing that in his everyday talk. He has two deaf children. I wondered if that's why he does this. Also i wouldn't mind picturing the image of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie having sex. Or Johnny Depp with anybody.)



3. I distrust almost everything my local Channel 5 news anchor Jean Enersen when she does her "Health Link" bit at the end of the broadcast. She looks anorexic and far from healthy. I was actually trying to find a photo of her to put up to support this but i can't because it's not out there. I swear King 5 News is making sure that her images online have been PhotoShopped her to put weight ON her. I couldn't even find a photo or video of her doing "Health Link" on their website.

Disclaimer:
i love that Jean Enersen is still on the air. ( I just wish she would eat a breakfast like i just did: a croissant sandwich with bacon. ) Jean was around when i moved here in 1974 and i've said it before, i used to have a girl crush on her back then.



4. My Knee.  My nearly 56 year old left knee has begun to hurt during this half marathon training. I spent $40 something on a a knee brace and something called 'kinetic tape' (i think that's what it's called). I do not trust that these are really going to help my knee and I'm going to get a really weird tan line for nothing.

Disclaimer:
My right knee is also nearly 56 years old.



5. My favorite authors. I don't trust that my favorite authors will  always write books that i will love. I have been disappointed in John Irving, Rebecca Wells, Pat Conroy, Stephanie Kallos (who wrote "Broken for You") and to some degree even Richard Russo. The prize for disappointment goes to Pat Conroy for his last book "South of Broad". He took something like 15 years to write it and i hated every character in that book and gave it away immediately to my brother as an ornament for his empty book shelf.

Disclaimer:
I'm glad that they at least try. It always bothered me that Harper Lee didn't come out with something else.



6. Flipped Houses. I love to watch the HG Channel and shows about flips. I still look for houses online, though we are not in the market to buy one anymore. But every time i see one that is move-in ready and has everything i like, i notice the dates on Zillow show that the previous sold date and the listing are only a few months apart. And the previous sold price is far less than the now asking price. That's a flip.  Then I start thinking of it as 'lipstick on a pig' and the cosmetics are hiding something sinister, like mold, dry rot, and rodents living in the attic and serial killer neighbors and a meth lab down the street.

Disclaimer:
I sometimes get ideas on how to decorate with these shows and photos online of the houses.


I'll try and come up with a photo later for this. For now, what do y'all distrust? And nobody can say "Fox News" because that's a given.